Tracy

083:

         

083:

She went to her dad's, his ranchette on the Welsh coast. Richard went with her and they stayed there three days until it was time to meet Austin in Las Vegas for a meeting with the producers of Alaska. Ray thought it was best for Tracy to spend her days in complete seclusion. There he allowed only himself and Shanna and Richard to tend to her—and only with the remedies of their choice--- no more morphine which had been loaded on her small frame in the hospital. He knew about Aloe Vera and emu oil once the pain was manageable, and after the first day Tracy refused any pain meds. The location of the worst part of the burn made it almost impossible to allow it to heal in the air. Shanna gave her a very soft, almost threadbare cotton shirt, very loose and flowy and she couldn't hold the baby at all.

Richard found her out on the peninsula walking over the rocky shoreline alone the afternoon of the third day, wondering if she planned on leaving with him, since he'd flown over with her and the boys via Iceland.

She wore shorts, and the longish threadbare blouse, the wind whipped it against her slim form as she held her hair back, in a partial braid she'd obviously been working on before hitting the rocky promontory.

It was another of those earth shattering moments, when just to watch her gave him chills. Looking but not touching was eating him up inside. The sun behind her gave him a very clear outline of her soft breasts, causing an answering stir below that made him blow out his breath in agony. Destined to go around with a permanent hard-on around her.

"Tracy!"

She looked up, balancing on a couple of black rocks. She dropped her hair and waved as he straddled some rocks of his own. He came close to her, trying to ignore the outline of her figure .

"How are you feeling?"

"It's getting better every minute." She announced confidently and then turned to watch her own footing.

"What's the plan for leaving back to the states?"

"After my sonogram. Didn't I tell you? I thought I told you. I'm having the sonogram here so that Dad and Shanna and Bridget and Julian can be there. Would you like to come too? Be the first to see the little critter?"

"Sounds like a regular party, huh?"

She smiled up at him, her eyes shining in the late afternoon light, her slender fingers holding back her mass of half braided hair, as that wondrous smile lit her face.

"Thought you might like to."

Sure, Richard thought. Wouldn't miss it. Let's go see Raine's kid. But he didn't say that.

Later he joined them all in Tracy's upstairs room where the midwife had brought her portable sonogram machine, and the rest of them had gathered around to see the screen. A doctor had also been brought to check on her burns, of chief concern to their producers, with the film now five days late in production.

A chair had been placed for him, but Richard preferred to stand. Tracy lay flat on her back with the midwife on a stool beside her, the waistband of her shorts pulled down slightly, and her top pulled all the way up to her burns. The screen lit up as the wand touched her lubricated skin. Everyone leaned in wanting to know what they were looking at.

"Okay." The midwife said in a hearty accent. "What we have here is.... A surprising complication. A natural complication, not to worry, dearie."

"Isn't that interesting?" Julian quipped. "Something of Tracy's is complicated. What a shock." They all laughed.

It looked like a black and white and gray circular blob to Richard who didn't need to squint to see the screen. He felt an odd resentment come over him as they all stared avidly.

Something throbbed, something flexed, another something moved and wriggled. He swallowed, cocking his head to one side, as his eyes scanned the screen, the brows elevated slightly, his lips puckered.

Tracy's hand fluttered. "I'm seeing om.... What looks like...." Her eyes sought confirmation from the closest ones to her.

"Twins, Trace. You're having twins."

Ray whooped and hugged Shanna as if he were the one responsible. "My dad's an identical twin!" he crowed. "It must run in the family!"

The midwife started doing some measurements. Everyone was hugging and congratulating each other, and Richard heard their voices as if from a void, far away. Eventually they started leaving the crowded room, and finally, Tracy sat up and her eyes sought his, a funny apologetic smile on her lips.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked her with his own uncomfortable smile.

She couldn't contain her happiness. "I don't know, am I?"

"Yes, you are."

She glanced at him again, smoothing her threadbare blouse, grabbing her braid into its holder, securing it against her back. "Does it bother you?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, gave her his most knowing and amused half smile. "What? That you're happy?"

Her smile softened, dimples hitherto unseen, ones that only appeared when her smile was genuine and full, played on her pink and tanned cheeks. Her lips broke the air tenderly.

"I wish-- I wish I could share all I'm feeling with you."

He bit his own lips hard. His nod and heartfelt blown out sigh were felt across the room. "But you can't, because--." He hung his head and finally looked up, facing it. "Because you need to share it with Raine."

"Richard, I---."

"Don't, Trace. It just makes it hurt more." He rocked back on his heels.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Well, it all hurts right now." He was defensive.

She leaned against the table, eyeing him through lowered lashes. "Richard, I need to say this."

He breathed in and held it. "I need to get my own woman?"

She shook her head. "Not that, although it might help... us both." She colored deeply, and looked away. "No, it's this. I need to feel--- and you make me feel. I feel your love and concern like shimmering waves of light over the air between us no matter how far apart we are. Like a thin, but strong invisible cord that ties us together, and never leaves us. You give me strength, and peace, and sometimes there's too fine a line between what I feel for you and what I feel for -- others. You confront me and force my hand-- my introspective true side. No one else, even Jules reaches me sometimes as deeply as you do. You were right that one time, when you said if I'd met you first it might have been different. But I have to live with my choices. You don't. You can go your own way and not have to deal with it. Not that I'm ungrateful, but just-- I hate to see you suffering."

"I am suffering. Dammit, and I don't want to suffer, not like this. I just want to wake up to you in my bed. I just want to pull you close in my arms and make love to you, and feel you respond to me with your whole heart." He slammed his fist slowly against the wall, a controlled thing, mirroring the frustrated beating of his heart and the shallow, hoarse breaths he was forced to take.

Tracy stood where she was, her eyes round and calm, but her insides shivering in acknowledgment. Her palms started sweating, she opened her mouth, and Richard blustered, his face contorting in anger. "Don't say anything else."

"I----."

"Just shut up."

"What?"

"Just shut up. Leave me alone. Let me lick my wounds in peace."

"Richard...."

"Trace, just go. You need to grow up and stop thinking only of yourself."

Shock ripped through her. "You really feel that way?"

He turned away from her, his arm up on the door jamb. "Yeah. I do. Right now anyway. Please, just go away."

******