We're Not Sleeping, We're Just Dreaming {Geoff Wigington/Waterparks}

36{tears, tears, gallons of the stuff}36

Ariel

I knew it, I knew I was being too annoying. I knew I was being to pushy. I knew this would happen. I know he meant it, he wasn't the first person to tell me. Normally I would brush it off, but when it comes from someone that I love more than anything, it feels like I'm being hit by a train.

I knew he didn't like me. That's why hes been so distant for the past few days. That's why he does things that I don't like him doing. That's probably why hes always drinking, so he can handle me and my annoying self.

I've been sitting in my closet for an hour, crying. It sounds really stupid. I could be a normal person and just take it like a shot, but I'm being a baby and taking it like a broken neck. 

I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of the sweatshirt I was wearing, then remembered it was one of Geoff's that he let me wear this morning. I roughly pulled the Legends Of Zelda sweatshirt over my head and threw it across the room.

I regret saying yes to Awsten. I wish I would've said nothing to him, I wish I would've had an attitude towards him, I wish I just. said. no. If I said no, I could have avoided this mess, I wouldn't have gotten attached and I wouldn't be sitting here crying in a closet because the guy I like just called me 'pushy'. 

I probably would have just been better off staying in a cold room with no roommate to help me sleep at night or to calm me down from my panic attacks. 

I probably shouldn't think like this. I feel bad. I love Awsten and Grace, and I love Otto and I love his kindness and his humor.  I love the dogs, Godfrey and Lily. I know back at the orphanage, they wouldn't allow us to have pets. I love that I'm with a family who wont turn their backs on me and abuse each other or kill themselves. I love Geoff. I love him for his sweetness and his amazing personality, I love how he holds me when we hug; his arms wrap around my lower back and his hands grip his forearms, he holds me close to his body and I can hear his heartbeat, he rests his head on top of mine. I love how he kisses me, his upper lip is slightly above my upper lip, his nose squished against mine, his lips are so soft and there's no sign of cracks anywhere. He smells really good and when he hugs me, his smell rubs off onto my shirt and it lasts forever. He could hug me at eight in the morning and I still smell like him at nine at night when I'm taking my clothes off to shower. 

I don't know if I will ever be able to hug him or kiss him anymore. I don't know what he thinks about me. "He thinks you're pushy, he just told you earlier," I whispered to myself. 

A knock on my door interrupted my emo thoughts and I jumped. I quickly wiped my tear stained cheeks and watery eyes as I stood up, hitting my head on a pole that goes from one side of the closet to the other side. 

I walked over to my bedroom door and opened it to reveal a stressed looking Dad. As soon as I opened the door, his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a hug. 

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you? Why are you crying? Are you okay? I swear if laid a hand on you, I'm gonna snap his neck." Dad said all really fast. 

I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head on his chest. "I'm alright! He didn't hurt me, Dad." I mumbled into his chest. 

He pulled my body back to arms length and his eyes scanned my face. "This is exactly what I meant when I said I didn't want you two dating. One of you were going to get hurt and it just happened to be you." He said, pushing a strand of my brown hair behind my ear. 

"No, Dad." I started. "It's alright, I'm just being over dramatic." He dropped his arms from my shoulders. 

"Why are you being over dramatic?" He questioned.

I sighed. "He told me the truth and I guess I just cant handle it." I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. "He was right, I need to stop being so pushy." 

"You're not pushy, Ariel." Dad said, taking my hand and leading me over to my bed. We sat down at the end and he faced me, sitting crisscrossed. "You're just very caring. You've been living with me long enough for me to know that. You care for everyone. Me, when I'm too small to reach something, you find a way to get it for me. When Otto breaks things and needs help fixing them, you're there to help him. When Geoff is constantly hungover, you're there to help with his headache and put up with his whining. Ariel, I'm sure he didn't mean what he said. He's constantly talking to me about you, saying how much he likes you and how beautiful you are and how he loves you and your personality. Don't cry over this, Ariel. He's drunk, hes got no clue what the fuck hes saying." I laughed. "Don't let it get to you, kid." 

I half want to believe everything hes saying, but I half don't need to because its probably not true. 

"Come on, get to sleep. Its two thirty, past your bedtime, dude." Dad said, ruffling the top of my head. I nodded and he got up off of the bed. I crawled backwards up to my pillows and grabbed the TV remote. "Night, Ariel." 

"Goodnight Dad." I mumbled back, rubbing my eyes. He walked out of my room, leaving me alone to think again. 

I turned the TV on and shut off my lights. I don't know what to think about this Geoff situation. 

He broke a promise he made. Maybe it was an accident and forgot about it? Maybe I should give him a second chance. Or maybe I should just wait. 

Or maybe I should just go gay.