Frozen

Chapter 9

"AHHHHHH" 

I wake up screaming. I shoot up into a sitting position and place my hand on my chest to slow down my beating heart. Tears are forming in my eyes. I'm trying to control my breathing. 

I bring my legs close and wrap my arms around them and I bury my face in shame. I can't stop crying and shaking. 

"Danielle," Grayson whispers. 

"Stop Grayson," I say back. I am not in the mood to talk to anyone especially him. "You know I could've stopped it." 

I lift my face to look at him. He looks at me with sadness. I never let people see me like this. 

"You didn't know Danielle." 

"I was in the hallway. I could've walked into a room and stop them." 

"You would've died. If you stayed with us at the ranch you would've died. If you walked into a room you would've died."

"Then why am I alive?" 

He looks at me with depth in his eyes. 

"Because you left us like you usually do and then wondered the hallways. All the staff members probably already.... did their task. When you were in the hallway-"

"Everyone was already dead," I said back realize all the mess I completely missed. 

"You were meant to be alive somehow," he says back to me. "You managed to stay alive through all of that just by doing what you usually do. You have a bigger purpose." 

Bullshit. He is just saying things to make me feel better. 

"Hunter was talking to me. I thought he was still alive. He brought me to the contact fighting training room and there everyone was in 1-17, lifeless drowning in their own blood." 

"Danielle please-"

"He was there with blood coming out of his mouth and leg. I picked him up and his spirit talked to me. He told me that I was late. I could've saved them." 

"Danielle, your dreams are a reflection of your own thoughts and guilt. You feel like this whole thing was your fault but it was not, but that is why you are dreaming about it."

I lay my legs back and lean up against the tree behind me. 

"I have nightmares to, but I could've done so much more than you," he says back. 

"I know you could've." 

The sound of the wind crashing against the trees takes over. 

"If only you knew the meeting I had with Sonia," he says sounding like his heart has been crush. "The things I have witnessed, the things I have stopped, the pain I put my brother through." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." 

"I completely understand, but don't you ever sit back and wonder how you were never punished for the things you did." 

"Please don't say that you took any blame," I say feeling guilt again. 

"I've saved your life multiple times because I know that you were feeling the same pain that I was. Being separated by family we would do anything for yet you were still reckless. You wanted to make a point and speak your voice but you did it dangerously. I still respected your movement so I saved you." 

"How?" 

"Every time someone gets in trouble Sonia speaks to their group leader which meant she had many talks with me. I only had talks about you and your behavior. I just reminded her that you had the best training results compared to any other person in the Section. The more meeting that went by the more harder it was to save you." 

"I didn't know you did that," I say back with an ache in my heart. I was so mean to him yet he was saving me. 

"You weren't allowed to know. I related to you so much and besides, the things you did entertained me. If you weren't in my group I would probably go insane. Beatrice drove me insane with how much she agreed with H.O.P.E but just like you, she did not know all the details that happened and now she is dead because of them."

I hit my head against the tree and look up at the gray sky. 

"She wanted you dead when you stole the knifes, when you tried to run away, when you didn't want to train for days, when you were caught with Hunter during training time, and she did not want me to save you when you weren't eating."

".... and you still wanted to save me." 

"Of course," he says with a reassuring voice. "I knew you better than any of them did. I understood you didn't like me but I also understood why. I didn't want you to die because I also know how Sonia has killed people in the pass. I didn't want Dominic to lose you as well." 

"Thank you," I say with guilt. "I mean it." 

I look at him with a forced smile. 

"We should get going, Sonia could've sent out more people to search for you." 

We get up and start walking deeper into the forest on our search to find our family, or what is left of it.