Bong Rips and Blowjobs (A Game Grumps Fanfiction)

+-+ Thirty Five +-+

tw: self harm

++ PATTY'S VIEW ++

I felt bad.

It was the first day in almost three weeks that I told Danny to go to work. It was a preplanned day with Brian to record some final parts for their upcoming album. Danny was threatening to cancel but I pushed him out the door and called his phone, saying to go to work and that I loved him. When he replied with the response, he promised to be back in five to six hours.

Which gave me enough time to properly cry, warm tears flowing down my cheeks like strong waterfalls. I collapsed onto my knees, them immediately bruising as a few shaking sobs left my throat. This was the first proper cry I've had, Danny always at my side whenever I got like this and cheering me up before I broke down too much.

I couldn't tell him to just turn around and come home. This day was important, if he had missed this day it could throw the album release date off. He was so proud of me and he honestly thought I was doing better. Which slowly convinced me to see that I was better, but now that I'm home alone, I feel lonelier than ever.

'I'm with Brian! I love you and remember to eat lunch.'

Danny's text was to the point and I responded immediately, saying that I'll be okay and that I loved him too.

The ring on my finger proved my commitment to him. It made me even more upset, because I wanted him to hold me. I wanted Danny to come back home and watch Ellen with me this afternoon. To lightly kiss the side of my head whenever he got the chance too.

Danny was an extreme extrovert while I was an extreme introvert. Danny needs people to survive and be happy, while I can most of the time function on my own.

Standing up, I decided to chill on the couch all day and watch tv while I was high. Within seconds the bong was immediately in between my thighs, the small bowl being loaded absent mindedly as I used my other hand to find a show on.

The glass was on my lips, hoping that this would finally send me over the edge. That I would potentially be to high to even care about what Barry did to me, and how much damage he caused.

Barry did the exact same thing my dad use to do, rape me and leave me to my own devices as I could feel myself deteriorating. It is terrifying me even more because Danny is trying so hard to protect me. But honestly- I'm not sure if he could protect me from myself.

The cloud of smoke leaving my mouth dissipated into the air quickly as I flicked the lighter back to life and filled the glass with more smoke. The normally clear glass a milky white when I finally pulled the bowl out. Sucking hard as I filled my lungs perhaps twice.

The large cloud of smoke and immediately change in air had he coughing violently. I felt even more disgusting, but deep beneath that feeling, I felt unwanted. I don't deserve Danny because he's an angel on this earth and I am a pile of decomposing garbage.

Running upstairs I turned on the water and stripped down quickly. This would be the first proper shower I've had without Danny joining me or being in the room. Danny was terrified that I would hurt myself, even the therapist helping me through this was terrified of what I could or would do.

The water was as hot as it was able to be, burning my skin as I used my nails and washcloth. Harshly trying to scrub the pain and feeling of disgust out of my body. Cleanliness felt foreign at this point, I wanted someone to hold me, but every time Danny did I pushed him away. I want a hug so bad but I don't know how to protect myself from getting hurt again.

I slowly sat myself down in the shower, leaning against the wall and softly cried. Everything felt awful and I felt so unwanted. I didn't want to do this but I need to feel something other than the constant burning feeling of pain and the feeling of being used.

I need to feel something.

I step out of the shower, shivering as the outside air was so much colder than the boiling shower water. Digging through my bathroom drawer before seeing it in a small bag taped to the bottom of the drawer.

I get back in the shower, staring at the older cuts on my arms. This was the last thing I should be doing to myself, but it's the exact thing I wanted. This was the exact thing I needed- that I craved.

Holding the blade against my wrist, taking it against my vein path. I wanted to feel pain, not kill myself. A loud sigh escaping my mouth as I watch the blood drip down and into drain.

"Patty? Babe? You alright?" Danny asks form downstairs.

"We finished earlier than expected so Brian sent me home." Danny says as I hear him set his keys on the counter and walk upstairs.

I hold my wrist tightly, as if maybe my hand being in the way would completely hide the blood seeping through. I was panicking even more when I heard knocking on the door.

"Hey baby? You alright?" Danny asks.

"I-I need y-you." I hiccup on my words and cut the shower off, trying to move but collapsing back onto my knees.

The door opens and immediately I feel Danny helping me off the ground. I wasn't even sure if he saw the cuts across my arm or not. He leaned me against the cabinet and slid the boxers I had out on me.

Danny didn't say a single word as he bandaged up my arm and took his jacket off for me. Danny's eyes were glazed over as he just stared at me before leaving me alone on the bathroom.

"D-Danny?" I called after, trying to stand up on my wobbly legs.

Falling back to the ground, I blinked slowly before just laying my head on the floor. A few warm tears making paths down my cheeks, like a slug leaving being a moist trail.

"I need y-you. P-please c-co come back-" My voice is horse as I wipe the tears off and push the hair away from my eyes.

Danny runs back in and helps me up, walking me to the bed. He mumbled something about food before running off and I heard his feet on the stairs.

"Please eat something." Danny says handing me a Chinese takeout box.

I cringe at it for a moment before opening it and finding out it was plain white rice. Something easy on my stomach but filling at the same time.

"But I want to cuddle first." I pout and Danny looks taken back.

"I missed you a lot and everything hit- I just want a hug." I jammed a lot of words together as I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together.

"I missed you too baby boy. I love you so much." Danny says, a single tear sliding down his cheek as he kisses our hands.