My Heart Is Yours

Chapter 89

Maine felt him take a deep breath, but he kept silent for a time. He just rubbed his hand in an up and down motion on her back as he tried to collect his thoughts. Maine waited as he bided his time, blinking a few times fighting off sleep.

"Je should have kept his mouth shut," he muttered as he tightened his hold on her, as if afraid she might leave. "Are you sure you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't paint a good picture of me. Fair warning."

"I think I could handle it."

"Just promise me you'd be open minded, okay?"

"Are you inviting me to join a networking scheme?"

"Maine..."

She heard exasperation in his voice when he said her name that she giggled and replied, "I'm sorry. Go ahead. I promise, I'll do my best to understand."

She heard Richard sigh once more and said, "remember when I told you 'I was anything but innocent'? Well, I had been around women...not just casually dating them like what the guys told you."

Maine's brows furrowed as she tightened her hold on him. She hated to ask, but she did anyway, "you had sex with some of the FAs?"

"No."

"Back in college then?"

"No. I'd have to admit, I was a little late in the game."

"Another pilot?"

"There aren't any female pilots on MJN, Maine."

"There's Celine, from my batch."

"She's new," he remarked. "I haven't met her."

"Some random passenger, then?"

"I never really leave the cockpit before you came back into my life."

"Okay," Maine sighed. "I'm out of options. Who did you have sex with?"

There was a long pause, that Maine could feel he was reluctant to tell her. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Please remember that this was way before you came back into my life," Richard said. "And the last time it happened was two years ago. Besides, we haven't really gone back there yet."

"Where?"

"Amsterdam," he stated. "I had sex with the lovely ladies of Amsterdam's red light district."

"What?"

Maine pushed herself up so that she could meet his eyes. She saw sadness there and a bit of shame, but he looked back at her and tentatively reached out to caress her cheek. She didn't pull away. She even leaned her head to his hand to feel him more.

"Remember to keep an open mind, Maine," said Richard.

"I am," she replied. "I just didn't expect that. Why them?"

"For obvious reasons," he explained, his eyes never leaving her. "It's legal there so you would be sure that the ladies are clean. They're emotionally disconnected from you. I don't have to worry about them getting too attached or them thinking that there is something more.

"That time, I wasn't looking for someone. I went out because the guys keep hooking me up with every single available FAs, but I made a promise to you back then that I'll come back for you. You might not remember that but I did make that promise. And I so intended to keep that promise. So, it would be unfair to those girls if I started having sex with them with the knowledge that it's just sex. I couldn't be in a serious relationship with any of them. So rather than giving the FAs false hopes, whenever I go to Amsterdam, I avail of their services."

"How many?"

"How many women did I have? Or how many times I had sex with them?"

"There's a difference?" Maine's eyes widened at her inquiry.

"Well," he answered reluctantly. "I did a threesome once just because I got curious. It was a very weird experience. One that I don't really want to repeat. So that counts as two for the women and one for the sex."

"So how many women and how many times?"

"Eight women," he said. "Seven times."

Maine pulled away as she sat beside him. Richard sighed and pulled himself up in a sitting position as well, propping some pillows on his back as he leaned on the headboard. He kept silent as he saw Maine try to wrap her head around his revelation. He wanted to reach out to her but couldn't, afraid that she might pull away if he did and he wouldn't be able to take it if she did.

"How did Jerald find out?" Maine asked, breaking the silence.

"He was the one who introduced me to Madam Sophie," he said. "She was the owner of the establishment I frequent."

"Prior to that," she said. "You were never with anyone? You just had sexual encounters with these women?"

"I told you," he answered honestly. "You're my first. But sexually, it would be with one of Madam Sophie's ladies. I can't even remember her name anymore. Or if she even told me her name."

She just nodded as she played with the hem of her shirt. Richard seemed defeated. His hands were clasped together in front of him and his head bowed. He wasn't looking at her. He seemed lost.

He heaved a defeated sigh and raked his hair with his fingers. He looked up but his eyes were unfocused. He said, "I never claimed to be a saint, Maine. I had always knew I was never perfect. I'm only human. But believe me when I say that none of those experiences with those women mean anything to me, except maybe as a learning tool.

"With you though, it meant everything. Every touch, every kiss, every caress gives so much meaning into my life. I never had that with them, only with you."

"I love you, my Heart. If nothing else, believe in that."

Richard's words from a moment ago rang true in Maine's mind. He loves her. He had done everything he could for her. He had never promised her the stars but he promised to be truthful, that he would do everything he can for her. And he never did demand anything back. Everything was on her time, her pace. He rearranged his life so he could accommodate her needs. And even now, when he could have just told her to forget what Jerald said, he opted to tell her the truth about his past even if it might meant losing her. He kept saying how much she had sacrificed and struggled with her life, he never saw how much he himself had sacrificed for them. Her heart thumped in her chest happily at that realization.

Maine was about to reach out when Richard suddenly stood up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Out for a walk," he replied. "I know you need space right now. I'll leave you so you can think properly. But you should try to get some sleep already, you were tired awhile ago. And you did so much today."

"RJ," Maine called as she scrambled out of bed. "Don't leave."

He ignored her and continued to head for the door. As he reached for the doorknob, he felt her arms wrapped around him and she pressed her cheek on his back.

"Don't leave me, my Home," she whispered as he felt tears from her eyes, soaking the back of his shirt.

"Maine?"

He tried to pry Maine's arms that was holding on to him tightly but she held firmly.

"Home," she cried. "Please stay."

-oo-

Author's Note:
Small trivia about Amsterdam that I found out from my brother who lives there: Coffee shops and cafes are two different things. If you want coffee, go to a coffee shop but if you want to get high, look for a cafe. 😊