suicide || h.s ✔

nineteen - past

{Edited- what's below is important, skip if you want.}

I had this anti-bully person come in and speak to my school. He said something that has been stuck in my head ever since. He said that suicide is and I quote "A permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I want all of you people out there to know that no matter how bad things get, somebody cares. Suicide is not the solution and I know that somebody reading this has lost someone to suicide or can be thinking about it.

I am here if ANYONE needs to talk. My inbox is always open. I will not tell anyone and I will try to help as much as I can. I know a lot about this stuff because sometimes I feel like living is a struggle. Some boy told me that my life is like a movie; the movie will end when it wants to end, not when I want it to end.

I'm always here :)

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It had been two weeks since I thought that I lost Kaylee forever. Pictures had been in magazines everywhere of the lads and I entering and exiting the hospital. We have been getting thousands of tweets asking if everything was alright. At one point, we were trending worldwide about this incident. So to clear things up, we decided to go on Ellen and explain everything.

"So everybody has been wondering what in the world has been up with you five. You boys haven't even been tweeting or giving anything away. So what is going on?"

The five of us sat on a long couch. Simon had booked us an interview with Ellen DeGeneres. We hadn't even announced anything about it but somehow our Directioners found out about. When we flew out to LA, Paul was explaining that they were already lining up outside two days before! We really have some dedicated fans.

"Well, we recently just finished our vacation in the Bahamas. We kind of ended it early and just decided to head on home. We stayed at Niall's house for a few weeks and then we each parted ways to go and spend some times with our family's." Liam was the first to speak.

"That sounds great. I hope you guys had a great time. By the way, how are your girlfriends doing?" Ellen asked us, leaning closer to get the scoop on our girlfriends. Many rumors had gone around, most of them being that one of them were pregnant.

"Eleanor and I are doing well. She recently just went back to college," Louis said, making a pouty face.

"Danielle is at dancing school. She's doing amazing. I miss her like crazy. I might go and see her soon as a surprise. If she's watching this now, then my surprise is ruined." The crowd laughed along with Liam and the rest of us.

"Perrie and I are doing fantastic. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Right now she and her band are getting ready for their tour. The crowd screamed at the mention of Little Mix.

"Dar and I are well. I still get nervous around her but my love for her will never change," Niall said. Everyone then turned to me.

"Uh, Kaylee is fine." Ellen looked at me weird.

"Well I guess I will ask the question everyone has been waiting to hear the answer for: Why are you boys going in and out of the Ireland hospital daily?"

I knew this question was going to be asked but for some reason I didn't know exactly how to answer it. It was quiet for a little bit before Niall was brave enough to answer the question.

"It was the night after all the lads left my house. Kaylee went out to the corner store. I got a phone call saying to rush down to the hospital as soon as possible. I knew something bad happened. I didn't even think to grab shoes, I just ran out of the house and into my car. I get to the hospital and they tell me that Kaylee was stabbed repeatedly and was undergoing surgery. They weren't even sure if she was going to make it. I did the only thing I knew to do and that was to call the boys." Niall hid his head in his hands, sniffling into his shirt sleeve. Letting him recollect himself, I decided to just continue on.

"I didn't know what I was walking into when I ran into the hospital. I was the last one there. Everyone was asleep besides Liam and he caught me up on everything. He and I waited for a little while before the doctor came in. The doctor came out and said we could see her but one at a time and that her surgery went well. We get to her room and let Niall go in first. He goes in and after a few minutes nurses and doctors are coming in. They're pushing us all out and we noticed that her heart stopped. I ended up crying. They couldn't get her back and they pronounced her dead. I didn't want to believe it so I told them to try one more time. They shocked her one more time and we waited. They were going to say it was a no but I heard the faintest of a beep and her heart started back up again."

I hadn't realized it but tears were falling down my cheeks. The crowed had tears in their eyes. Ellen looked away to wipe at her eyes. Louis patted me on the back and then began to speak.

"We are also here to say that we are standing up against bullying. The people that did this to Kaylee were people that bullied her. We are getting together with Office Depot to make merchandise like folders, books, and binders to raise money for bullying fundraisers. Our commercial about that will be playing after this show so stayed tuned."

In the background our pictures from the photo shoot came up. Ellen nodded at us and then looked towards the camera. "That is all the time we have today. Let's give One Direction a round of applause."

The whole audience stood up and clapped their hands. We smiled and waved, walking backstage and giving some fans high fives. .

"Are you boys ready?" Paul asked us as soon as we made it backstage. He brought us out through the back door and towards the van that would take us to the airport.

I sighed, hoping all this shit and drama would be over with, but little did I know, this was only the beginning.

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