suicide || h.s ✔

twenty five - past

{Edited}

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My head was pounding. I don't know why but it was. I slowly blinked my eyes open, which even hurt to do that. What was wrong with me? Most importantly, where the hell was I? Upon opening my eyes, I noticed that the walls were extremely white and the lights shining down on me where extremely bright. It smelled like sanitary and sadness. Can you even smell sadness? I don't know what I am saying because my head feels heavy and my thoughts are all over the place. I tried lifting my hand but it felt like something was weighing it down. I moved my head slightly noticing an IV inside my hand. I guess I'm in a hospital. I don't even remember getting here. What happened?

"Oh finally, Harry, we have been so worried about you." I looked around the room and saw my Mum, Gemma, Louis and surprisingly, Niall, Liam, and Zayn. Louis was asleep in the pull out bed, Niall was staring at the wall, and Zayn was watching TV. The rest were staring at me. I thought Niall, Liam, and Zayn were mad at me. If they were so pissed off at me, than why are they here? I am so confused. They don't care about me but they're here?

"Wh-what are you t-talking about?" My throat felt so dry and scratchy and it was hard to talk. Since I was having trouble talking, my sister came over with a cup of water and a straw. I drank it all in one slurp.

"Harry, the doctors weren't sure when you were going to wake up," Louis said, finally waking up and noticing that I was awake too. A happy expression was on his face. How long was I asleep for?

"I still don't comprehend what's happening. The last thing I remember was that horrid interview, Niall storming out with Ka-, her, and Liam and Zayn taking his side, which hurt a lot by the way.Then I went to Louis and I's old flat and I don't remember anything else from that point on."

Louis looked at me, his eyes looking dazed, kind of like he was going back to that day. It was only yesterday, I think. "Harry, you came over all distraught. You were slowly swaying on your feet and you started looking a little pale. You then collapsed to the ground and I started shouting because I thought I lost you and I can't lose you because you're my best mate. I called for an ambulance and they got there in five minutes. They rushed you to the hospital and that is when I called everyone. The Doctor came in when your mum and sister got here. He said your body had completely shut down. He had no idea what was going on because there was no problem to cause this. Harry, you put yourself in a coma."

My mums eyes were tearing up as she held my hand firmly and pushed my curls off my forehead.

"So I was out for like three days?" Everyone shook their heads no. Liam spoke up, his voice cracking as he said, "Three and a half weeks."

I blinked at everyone, completely confused. I have a feeling on why I probably did this to myself. I hadn't eaten anything that day and I was feeling sad and distressed. I had managed to get these feelings that I couldn't handle Kaylee anymore, which I probably could if I really tried, and on top of that I managed to get my best mates ever to hate me. I don't ever want to remember that day again.

"I'm here now I guess. When do I go home?" I was still extremely sad because I know Liam, Zayn, and Niall don't forgive me. I feel like they're are only here out of pity because I could have died and never woken up. I feel like they're only here because they have to be. I can't even look them in the eyes. No one cares about me.

"Probably not for a few days. The doctor will be glad you're awake and he will probably want to do some tests on you," Liam said. I looked over at him and saw the dark bags under his eyes. While looking at his face, I looked at everyone else seeing that they had bags under their eyes too. When was the last time anybody got any real sleep? But as Liam saw me looking at him he gave me a smile but I know Liam like the back of my hand and I know that smile was fake. He still doesn't forgive me.