suicide || h.s ✔

forty eight - present

{Edited- and thank you to everyone who has voted, read this story, commented, and followed me. there will be an epilogue after this. all the love, kayla.}

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"So, that's our story, Darcy." I said, staring at Darcy who had tears streaming down her face.

"Why would mum do that?" Darcy asked, wiping the tears off her face with the back of her hand.

"Because she was a very sad person but was good at keeping it hidden from the public view." Niall said, rubbing Darcy's back slowly. Louis handed her some tissues.

"That must have been so hard for you dad, all of you. I'm sorry for wondering why."

I sighed, "No, baby, you had every right to ask about your mother. It's still hard on me because the anniversaries of her death and our wedding still hurt my heart. I will always love your mum and always cherish her in my heart."

"Do you still have the letters?"

I smiled, a sad smile, "Of course I do. I carry her letter and a picture of the two of us in my wallet. The letter your mum wrote for you is in my room in a box that has her journal in it."

"She kept a journal?"

"Of course she did. She named it 'Letters to Harry'. I haven't read it yet. I was going to begin reading it when I gave you her letter. I didn't know she wrote me letters until a couple of years ago when I was looking for baby pictures for your school. I found the journal underneath of her clothes in my closet."

"Can I read the letter?"

I sighed, "Of course you can. Your mum told me to give it to you when you asked about her and I or just her and I believe this is the right time to read it."

I slowly got up from the couch and walked into my bedroom. I opened my closet door and brushed my hands on Kaylee's clothes. I never got rid of anything she had. I walked over to where her jewelry was and pulled out a box. I brushed off some of the dust and opened the box, revealing Kaylee's black leather journal that had "Thing's I can" and "Thing's I can't" written on it, and the letter to Darcy. Once having the letter securely in my hands, I put the box back, walking out of the closet and out of my room, back to where the whole gang was sitting, waiting.

"Here you go, baby girl." I handed the envelope to Darcy once I sat back down on the couch. She slowly took it from my grip and touched the writing on the paper. The ends of the envelope were a soft yellow color and the edges were slightly torn. Darcy carefully opened the envelop and removed the letter from it. She unfolded the papers and I instantly recognized the neat handwriting to be Kaylee's. My breath caught in my throat and I felt like I was going to pass out. Perrie patted my leg, giving me a small smile.

"Should I read it out loud?" Darcy asked, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

"Do whatever you want, baby."

Darcy took a deep breath, "Okay, I am going to read it out loud."

Everyone was on the edge of their seats, waiting for Darcy to begin reading the letter. Niall sat closer to Darcy and the living room was really quiet.

"Dear Darcy, My Baby Girl,

I want you to know that I love you so so very much. I didn't get to know you very long but as soon as the doctor announced you were officially a girl and you were placed in my arms, I fell in love. I fell in love with your bright blue eyes and your curly blonde hair. You looked exactly like your father and I hope you never loose those curls. I want you to know that I did a very selfish thing. I want you to know that there are people out there in this world that suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, that the people around you aren't as nice as what they let on. I want you to know that what I did was a solution to a temporary problem. I probably should regret this but I think I made the right choice by letting myself find peace within myself.

You must be a least thirteen to eighteen years of age already if you are reading this right now. I wanted Harry to give you this letter when you asked about him and I or about our love story. Our love was an extraordinary thing. By having two broken people fall in love is a very scary thing. I struggled with the demons inside myself to stay here and make Harry happy. I want you to know that your father was and will always be the love of my life. Wherever I end up, I will always be looking over you.

I also want you to know that bullying, cyberbullying, and suicidal thoughts are a serious thing in this society. If you see someone being the victim of these things, I pray you stand up and help that person because if not, they'll end up like me, six feet under the ground. I pray that Harry raises you to be the person I would want you to be, that you wouldn't be the person behind the pain of others. There are cruel people in this world, my love, that drive people to death and self harm and it's not right. It's not fair that people suffer from that everyday just because they're dating their favorite celebrity or don't' fit society's expectations. I want you to know that you shouldn't change who you are or what you look like to please other people. If you want your hair short, then let it be. If you want to dye your hair purple, then go ahead (and don't listen to your father, I may not be here anymore but I am saying that you can). And if you want to eat that cookie or brownie, then you go ahead and do it because you're beautiful just the way you are.

Now, I think I need to start saying my sorry's. I want you to know that I am sorry for leaving you. I am sorry that I won't be there for your first walk, your first word, your first day of school. I am sorry that I won't be there when you have your first boyfriend or when you have your first heart break. I am sorry that I won't be there when you need bras and girly stuff. I am sorry that I won't be there to see you graduate high school and college or get married and have kids. I am sorry that I won't be there to watch you grow up because mommy did a horrible thing and if you feel the way I do, please talk to someone. I love you and you might hate me for the things I have done, but I am okay with that. I want you to know that If I could have a chance to see your beautiful face right now, I would take it in a heartbeat.

I'm sorry this letter may not be what you expected to read, but I tried. I failed at being a mother and I am sorry for that. You will always be my life and my world no matter where I am. And if anyone asks where your mommy is, just say "Like the rest of the angels, my mommy had to return back to heaven."

I love you so so so so much and I hope you become someone special. I will see you sometime, my love.

With All The Love A Mother Can Have,

Mom (Kaylee Styles)"

We all stared at Darcy, whose voice had become shaky and tears were streaming down her face. Tears were falling from my eyes and I all I could remember was the night I found Kaylee in our bathroom.

"Honey, are you okay?" Darcy looked at me, her eyes red and her hands shaking.

"N-no. I really wish I could have met her."

"Come here," I said and instantly, Darcy dropped the letter onto the coffee table and ran into my arms. I wrapped my arms securely around her small waist and held on tight. She began to sob into my shoulder and I instantly felt the tears fall down my cheeks. Niall and the rest of the lads came over, wrapping their arms around Darcy and I and all I could remember now was our last group hug up on stage on our final tour of One Direction.

Darcy sobbed some more, her tears soaking the shirt. I looked around, noticing everyone had tears in their eyes and I realized I wasn't happy still. I have the best daughter you could ever ask for, an amazing family, and a beautiful house yet I still wasn't happy because one thing was missing from my life.

My wife.

God I miss Kaylee so much and I wish she didn't kill herself. If she were still here we might of had more kids and we would have grown old together but if Kaylee stayed, she might of not have been happy and all I ever wanted was Kaylee's happiness. So I change my mind, maybe I am happy because if Kaylee is content and I have Darcy, then I can get through anything my heart desires.

I love you Kaylee, and I can't wait to see you my love.

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i have two ideas for the epilogue. i was originally going to destroy us all and make Darcy parentless but i'm not that cruel.