suicide || h.s ✔

forty seven- past

{Edited}

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  It's two a.m and I took seventeen shots of vodka just trying to forget her name, but the only name I forgot was mine cause sober or not, she's the only thing on my mind.

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"Harry. Harry, mate. Harry, wake up. It's three in the morning and I got a phone call from the bar attendant. Harry, I know you're awake. Well whatever, he called saying the boy from One Direction is plastered at the pub down town. Liam said Darcy is with him, Harry come on."

I opened my eyes, only to see three Niall's in front of me. Upon seeing my eyes, Niall handed me a glass of water which I chugged down in a minute.

"Harry, mate, why are you here, again? This is the third time I had to pick you up from here. I can't keep waking up at three in the morning and Liam can't keep taking care of Darcy. I think you need help, mate."

I chuckled, though it sounded dry and empty. "I didn't ask for you to come and get me and I didn't ask for Liam to take care of Darcy and and I don't need help. The only help that can fix me is a bottle of Jack Daniels. He's done it before and I sure as hell know that he can do it again."

Niall gave me a look. He was sporting a sympathetic face but then that face turned into an angry scowl and I knew I was getting a lecture, "First off, Harry, I came here to get you because you're my best mate and we're all worried about you! You come to the bar almost every night to get drunk off your arse, for what? To feel numb for a few hours? We're all hurting here, Harry. We all lost someone too. Well you know what? Kaylee wouldn't want you to be drowning your sorrows in cheap beer and vodka. She would want you to keep living your life! You have a baby to think about, Harry. She's your baby girl and she needs you, she needs her daddy because her mommy isn't even here anymore. So grow the fuck up, Harry, because we all need you. I'll be in the car when you're ready, you self righteous arsehole."

I watched as Niall stalked off in his plaid pajama bottoms and green jacket. His hair was a mess and I was pretty sure that he just wanted to cry, whether it be because of me or because of Kaylee, I don't know. But I do know that he didn't want me to see him break down.

Even though I was breaking every minute.

***

It has been three days since that awful night at the pub downtown. I got a lecture from each of the boys, but Liam was a little less mean towards me. He said we couldn't possibly know what I was feeling, let alone going through and that I was taking it like a champ. He told me he was only a phone call away. I think the boys and management were afraid I would harm myself, so every day was a different person to be watching me. Today Louis was stuck on babysitting me.

Louis and I were currently sitting in the living room, where my pillow and blankets were stacked. I haven't slept in my bedroom since that night because every time I walk into that room, I have flashbacks.

"Remember when we were in the Bahama's and I told you that Kaylee was a fragile girl?" I nodded, "And remember when I told you that I saw that spark in your eye?" Once again, I nodded, "Well I still see that spark. I know you're still hurting and trust me we all are. And I understand that you might want to kill yourself too, but I still see that spark. I see that spark of love and hope. You still love Kaylee no matter if she is here physically with you or not. That spark represents the love you have and the hope you have that maybe, just maybe she'll walk through that door. I promise you Harry, that it will get better."