In Memory of a Dope Boy

Chpt. 63

"After the passing of my father, things became pretty slow. Babe was still head of the organization and I stayed at home to take care of our kids. I could get used to the family lifestyle and I was by now...but....then my karma came back around to remind me of the wrong I did in my life. It punished me....it punished me so...so bad"

·5 years later·

I sat there on the couch with all three of my kids, just waiting for hubbie to get home so he could take over. Junior was now 12, Adri was 10 and Kai was now 6. They grow up so fast, I know.

"Breaking news!" alarmed us all on the tv as I tuned in.

I watched news reporter show us to a block near our house actually, where there were a lot of policemen. "We take you here live to....street to report of a homicide. Officials said they saw Andre Johnson, a convicted felon walked down this neighborhood and shot an innocent man by the name of Jacobson Allen--"

....at that very moment....I stood up immediately and went over to my tv in disbelief.

"The victim is reported dead at the scene from a shot to the back of the head and Mr Johnson is in police custody"

....Tears immediately came down as the cameras showed the ambulance wheeling Jacob's body in a black back off the scene. I ran from the tv...and out the door just like that. My kids followed me as I ran down the street to the block this was all happening. But it was too late....the ambulance was pulling off from the scene and Andre was being escorted into the cruiser.

I swear I turned into the devil when I saw him look at me. I ran underneath the caution tape and attacked him and every officer. They pulled me off in an instant and put him in the backseat before they closed the door. I broke away from their hold and charged up to break the window with my fist, punching him in the face before I cut him across it with a piece of glass.

"Ma'am stop!" the officers said but all I could see was blood.

"You son of a bitch!!! Fuck you and your life! Why did you kill him! How could you--....*cries*......how could you......." I sobbed in one of the cops arms as he pulled me back.

I dropped down to my knees, crying my heart out to the sound of sirens around me. "Baby no....--" I cried more and more until my body jerked up and down from my gasps.

·2 days later·

I just returned from the hospital, where....they wanted me to identify his body there on the table. I think I really lost my mind because now I just....I just felt like...nothing exists around me. I couldn't stand to watch my kids cry about their daddy....and...how Andre's court went. I was lost..., I felt like I had lost everything.

I took my kids back home and left them there in the living room. I went straight into the bathroom and looked in the mirror at myself.

·Kaila's Pov·

"Kaila leave mom alone!" Adri yelled as I broke away from her arms.

I ran after mommy and opened the bathroom door to see her looking at herself in the mirror. "Mommy...are you okay?" I asked coming in.

She didn't answer me, instead she started to....cut herself with the scissors she broke in half across her neck and arms. "Mommy?" I called her again, wanting her to stop hurting herself before I cried again.

Blood dropped down and ran down her face as she cut herself against the hairline. I grabbed her hand crying and....then she finally looked down at me. "I'm so sorry baby....mommy just....--mommy just wants to go...with daddy okay--"

"No..." I cried more. "No.."

I ran out from the bathroom and back into the living room, seeing Jacob getting off of mommy's phone before the door bell ranged. Adri opened the door and thus police officers came in.

"Where's your mother?" they asked.

"She's in the bathroom hurting herself. Please-- she wants to go be like daddy" I cried to them.

"No..." Jacob started to cry, running towards the bathroom before the cops stopped him.

A cop went inside the bathroom immediately, then all of them did before they pulled my mother from out room itself. They carried her through the living room in handcuffs, just as she kicked and screamed for them to let go. "Get the fuck off of me! Get off of me! Let me do it please! Please-- Jacob.....Jacob--........no! I just wanna be with him please--...." she cried, bleeding all over.

"Get the kids out of here, she needs medical help" they said.

"No! No! No! Don't take my kids- Don't take my fucking kids!" our mom screamed as they dragged her out of the house.

*

"I never....wanted my kids to see me like that. I wasn't sane. I really wanted to kill myself in that bathroom and I was going to until...Kai came in. I lost my mind and that's why I was taken into a rehabilitation center to...get back on track. I stayed there for years without ever seeing my kids...., I missed their birthdays..., my own husband's funeral, all the holidays...you name it. I was in there for...12 years. 12 fucking years while my kids were out there like orphans. I hated myself for getting into that mess but...I made it through. And...my husband was to thank for that" Brianna said.

·1 year later·

On heavy dosage of medication, I stared at the ceiling above me for hours and hours straight. I was brain dead. All I could do was breathe. Not think...nor move or anything else. I stared at the wall until I saw something in the corner of my eye.

I turned my head after that....and saw him. Not in the flesh but in spirit. "Jacob?"

He came over to my bedside and looked down at me, I got up so fast and looked up to him...seeing nothing but an outline of him as I could see through him. "Bri....what happened?"

"I don't know..." I started cry. "I don't even know anymore, I just miss you so much" I cried, convering my face.

"I miss you too"

"I wanna be with you--..."

"No. No you can't just leave our kids behind like that. You're not even thinking about them Brianna"

I looked away and wiped my eyes. I really didn't think about my kids in all of this, I was too...fucked up to even think for myself. To even move my body until now.

I watched his spirit bend down to me on both knees to look me eye to eye. His hands came up to my face but...I couldn't feel them. "I know you hurtin' but...you gotta pull through okay. For me. I miss you so much too but...it is what it is. I'll see you again...,  I see you now and I'm always here. Always. I hear every cry...and breath...every word...every thought. I'm here with you okay. But our kids are...out there Bri. You gotta be there for them. They can't be orphans, ...you know how that feels, why put your kids through that. Regardless if I'm not there, they need you. They miss you so much Brianna....our son and daughters cries at night without you"

"My poor babies..."

"Our poor babies. Look, I'm a help you get through this, I ain't gone. I'll keep checking up on you for as long as possible. I love you so much..." he said, sounding like he was crying but I couldn't see the tears fall.

"I love you too"

I watched him lean in to hug me, wrapping his non-existent arms around me as I sat there on my bed trying to hug him back. When we kissed,...it was air I felt instead of his lips I used to die for. And thus...he disappeared.

Shooken, I sat back up against the wall and stared into space again. Contemplating my life right now and how I was going to get better after all this. One thing for sure now though....I had hope.

Published August 23rd.