What The Heart Wants

Mcleod To The Rescue

Ali and Ashlyn went home after yesterday's game only to get into another mini-spat. The feisty goalkeeper decided to go out with some of their Pride teammates who were still in town, while Ali stayed home and vegged out on the couch with another binge of Fuller House. After getting pretty blotto, Ashlyn stayed with Alex and Servando rather than try to drive home.

Ashlyn arrived home about 9:30 with Alex in tow. She would have just enough time to pack a bag or two and then go to the airport for their trip to national team camp in New Orleans. Alex waited in the truck while Ashlyn went in to take care of business.

Ashlyn: I know I should have called last night, but I was just too wasted to do it. I stayed with Alex and Servando because I was too drunk to drive and I couldn't leave my truck at the bar knowing I'd need it to get back here to pack and then go to the airport this morning.

Ali: At least you used your brain and didn't put others' lives at risk last night. Kudos to you.

Ashlyn: What's with the snark, Alex?

Ali: Maybe it's because you've been avoiding me pretty much since we got back from Portland last week.

Ashlyn: I'm not the one who went running to Vegas to see her Penn State and Spirit friends on a whim because she was afraid to talk to me.

Ali: I'm not afraid, I'm out-and-out terrified of the ramifications if I let the world know I'm not straight.

Ashlyn: So you're embarrassed that you're in love with a woman?!

Ali: I DON'T WANT THE PUBLIC SCRUTINY OVER MY PRIVATE LIFE THAT WILL COME FROM STATING THAT! It's much easier staying in the closet and letting people THINK what they want than to come out and not be able to take it back.

Ashlyn: I don't know what to tell you, then. You have to figure this out on your own. In the meantime, I'll be at camp, hoping that you'll be here when I return next Monday. I did my part. Now you need to do yours.

Ali: OR WHAT?!

Ashlyn: Or this relationship, if you can call it that, might be over.

Ashlyn picked up her bags and left, throwing them in the back of her truck and speeding off into the distance. Ali walked to the door and shut it, then crumbled to the ground behind it.

***

Ali's crying jag following Ashlyn's departure sapped her of all her strength and she napped on the couch for a few hours, being woken up by her cell phone. She looked at the screen and saw that it was Erin Mcleod on the other end. She answered the phone, still groggy but happy to have someone to talk to about what's going on.

Ali: Erin!

Erin: Hey Kriegs! Are you OK? You sound awful.

Ali: I just woke up from a jag-induced nap.

Erin: Awwwww. What had my Ali crying?

Ali: Ashlyn didn't come home last night. Chose to get blitzed with some of her Pride teammates. Got home about 9:30, rushing in to pack for national team camp. We got at it again and she threatened to end our relationship if I don't go public.

Erin: SHIT! That's rough. Why is she pushing this?

Ali: She says it's because she doesn't want to be separated from me again if I am left exposed and either Vancouver or Philadelphia choose me. I'm not sold on that. She also threw out the idea that she wants to know I'm in this with her for the long haul and not just until I end my career and can then feel safe about being out.

Erin: Do you think she has a point?

Ali: She might, but threats and pressure aren't the way to get me to see it. She hasn't given me a solid reason why I SHOULD go public, because a good number of people know we're together. I don't feel a need to say anything about it, because I'm not exactly sure what I am on the spectrum. I've said in the past that I'm "fluid", which to me means I'm not full-on gay nor am I bi. If Ashlyn and I were to break up, I really don't know what I'd be looking for in another relationship. Would it be with a woman? Would it be with a man? Would I just choose to test everything and see what floats my boat at the time? I'm not getting younger, and if kids ever are to be part of my future, I need to figure this piece out.

Erin: I guess that's really your problem, dear. You aren't ready to close the door to any potential future relationship by being labeled as bi or gay, and that's what saying something about you and Ashlyn would do. You'd have to pick what you consider yourself between those options and you're not in that place mentally or emotionally to do that.

Ali: When did you get so smart? I seem to remember having to tutor you in some of your non-art classes because the academic side was never your strong suit.

Erin: I guess experience has been what's taught me about personal acceptance and what it feels like when you know who you are and how you want to live. No two people are the same in that regard. I discovered that not long after Penn State. You're still on that road and for you, it seems to be that it's the individual that you come to love that will define you, not the label of what that relationship is. By the way, do you know if the Pride are going to protect you?

Ali: Apparently, Ashlyn went to talk to Niki about it on Wednesday while I was flying back from Vegas. Again, that feels like pressure and not love or concern on her part. I'm planning on going to the complex tomorrow morning to see her and nix Ashlyn's suggestion. If Niki and Tom want me here for sure next year, they'll put me on the list. If not, or if they're trying to work something out post haste with either the Legacy or the Hearts, then I'll be exposed.

Erin: You know, if you're left out there, you probably won't make it past the second round without either one of us snapping you up.

Ali: It's nice to feel wanted, but aren't you guys sort of locked in to your first two or three selections? Sincy at 1, then a goalkeeper at 4 and another Canadian at 5.

Erin: That's probably how it plays out, but until the lists are in, no one really knows who will be out there.

Ali: I'm getting another call, so I should let you go. Thanks so much for calling, Erin. Love you and we'll talk again sometime after tomorrow's events.

Erin: LYLAS, Ali. Take care, and be good to yourself this week while Ash is away.

Ali switched over to the other call and she and Kristie Mewis discussed doing a Skype "Freedom" party tomorrow involving some of the players around the league who will be on pins-and-needles over the release of the protected lists. Ali thought this was a great idea, especially for some of the younger ones on the Pride who haven't been through this before and don't really know where they stand at the club. Times were coordinated (start at 2:30ET, with the deadline being 3 and the announcement as soon as possible after that on ESPNEWS) and Kristie moved on to calling a few others she knew would be in the mix.