What The Heart Wants

Searching For An Answer

Players began arriving in New Orleans for this week's National Team camp. Several came from Orlando following the NWSL final (Tobin Heath, Lindsey Horan, Allie Long, Sam Mewis, Abby Dahlkemper, Lynn Williams, Alex Morgan, and Ashlyn Harris), with others coming in from various points on the map. After getting her roommate assignment and key, Ashlyn headed up to her room to be alone for a bit, having talked way too much with Alex both last night and on the flight. Around 4:00, Alyssa came in with her bags and laid them on her bed. She said hi to Ashlyn, who didn't respond immediately. Concerned, she sat down next to her and asked what had her zoned-out.

Alyssa: Ash, care to tell me what's weighing on your mind?

Ashlyn: It's Ali. We had another fight before I left this morning and this time, I think I went too far, threatening to end our relationship if she didn't choose to go public with it.

Alyssa: Let me guess. You didn't mean it.

Ashlyn: Not in so many words. I mean, I'm frustrated with getting older and not knowing if the two of us will be together in a year or two. You know how the league can be for older players who fall off the national team radar, especially this year with two new teams joining the fold. I tried to get our management to assure me that Ali would be protected from selection in the draft on November 3rd. Niki seemed amenable to the request, but I don't know that Ali really cares if she's left exposed or not. Part of me wonders if there is some reason for her position, and another part of me thinks she doesn't see the threat of either Vancouver or Philadelphia seeing her as a foundational piece for their launch.

Alyssa: Your concern for her on the soccer front seems to be blinding you from caring about her on the personal front. Asking her to affirm her relationship with you to the world has to be deeply troubling to her. She never asked for the crap she gets from outsiders about her defensiveness to the questions, and it hurts her to be backed into a corner like that. You're saying it's because you want some stability heading into the twilight of your careers, but I think it's something else. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I think you're wanting that because you're having second thoughts about your own commitment to her.

Ashlyn: It's not the commitment that I'm doubting. It's the environment we're in that is making me nervous. When Orlando came into the league and wanted to make me the face and soul of the franchise, I was fully in. Returning somewhat close to home should have been the first step to settling down, and her coming to the Pride after last season should have been the next. Instead, it stirred up a problem that I didn't realize existed in our year apart. I think I'm falling for someone else, or at least am attracted highly to someone else. Nothing has happened yet, but I'm a little afraid that I won't be able to resist acting upon it unless we make the public declaration of our couplehood.

Alyssa: I'm guessing it's someone on the Pride that has you all atwitter.

Ashlyn: Yes. You CANNOT ask me who, it would be just too messy for both of us to have that trailing around behind us. It's bad enough that Ali SUSPECTS there's something not on the up-and-up between the two of us, but to have that actually gain traction would make things a whole lot worse.

Alyssa: Do you want me to talk to Ali? You know we're close. I don't know who else she's shared her concerns with.

Ashlyn: I'm guessing some of your fellow Nittany Lions know since she saw them in Vegas last week at Steph Labbe's birthday party.

Alyssa: Yeah, and I'm sure it doesn't help your state of mind knowing that they might be sitting there looking to snag her for their new teams if she IS left unprotected.

Ashlyn: I don't believe Erin or Carm would intentionally be trying to sway Ali's opinion on staying in Orlando, but if she needed a reason to leave, reuniting with one of them would be a way to do it.