I'll Find You

Jealous

It's not your fault that they hover
I mean no disrespect
It's my right to be hellish
I still get jealous
----Jealous, Nick Jonas

October 26, 2017

Cait groaned as she slid behind the wheel of her car.  Team workouts were over for the week, although she'd still be skiing with Phil the next few days.  Then on Monday, she'd be headed to Canada.  Phil had determined that the snow in Mont Orford was similar to the conditions that were expected in PyeongChang and he wanted her to start getting a feel for them, since she had missed the 2016 event there.  The team had agreed.

She headed home, looking forward to a hot shower and then a long call from Grayson.  It hadn't been a month since she'd seen him, but she missed him.  He'd been busy with ACC media day the day before and they hadn't had much time to talk. But she'd seen the video clips. He looked great. And seeing him with those little kids had given her thoughts for which it was much too soon.

She'd started to spend a lot of time thinking about life after skiing.  She knew she shouldn't wish away these last few months of her skiing career.  She was so blessed to be in the position she was in.  She felt really good about her chances of making the Olympic team and she wanted that.  She wanted a chance to represent her country the right way, to do a better job than she had done in Sochi.  To show everyone that she had grown up. 

She also wanted the chance to just be with Gray.  She'd meant it when she said she didn't care where or how they lived as long as they were together.  For the entirety of their relationship, there had always been a clock on their time together.  She was always counting down the remaining weeks, days, hours or minutes that she had with him.  She wanted to stop counting, to just be secure in the knowledge that they had all the time in the world.

But she'd also started to get concerned about how she would fill her days. She had to find something worthwhile to do with her time. She would no longer have a training schedule to keep and she knew Grayson would still be busy. The time she'd spent in Durham in September had convinced her that she needed to figure out a way to keep busy too.

Cait pulled into the ranch and slid from behind the wheel. She walked in to find her father on the phone in his office. Chitana was making dinner.  She waved to each of them as she passed on her way to her room to shower. 

She started the water and idly scrolled through her Twitter as she waited for it to get hot.  She was just about to set her phone down when she saw the picture. 

It was Grayson.  And there was a blonde attached to his lips, her hand on the back of his neck.  Someone had paired it with a picture of Cait and Grayson at Shooters in September and tweeted it at her, with a snarky comment.

Cait swallowed hard, tears springing to her eyes.  She knew she shouldn't overreact, but the picture was pretty compelling.  And she recognized the girl. 

In her heart, she knew Grayson didn't care about Stacy.  She couldn't believe that he was a willing participant.  But what if he'd been drinking?  It looked like this picture was also taken at Shooters.  He certainly could have been drunk.

And if he was, was that an excuse?  What had he done that night?  Or any other night for that matter?  The tears were sliding down her face now and she tried to wipe them away, but before she knew it, she was crying.  She dropped the phone on the counter and climbed in the shower, letting the water drown out her sobs.