I'll Find You

Temptation

It's time for me to be on my way I know
I've got business to conduct and I've got places to go
But I can't help looking at her sleeping instead
Another morning I'll have trouble climbing out of this bed
——Temptation, Billy Joel

March 19, 2018

She'd distracted him. He'd planned everything perfectly to talk to her the night before and she'd absolutely distracted him. He didn't think it was intentional, but somehow his entire plan had gone straight out of his head, just at the same time that all the blood in his brain had headed south, and he hadn't gotten around to the point he'd wanted to get to.

Grayson frowned as he looked over at her sleeping. How was it that after all this time, she still had that effect on him?  And God help him if she actually knew what she was doing.  If that was the case, he was a dead man walking, because he'd never, ever be able to get his way with her about anything. All she had to do was what she'd done the night before and he was putty in her hands.

Grayson pushed himself up with a sigh. He had to get moving and she looked like she was actually getting some sleep for a change. But he was frustrated. He stood in the shower, mentally beating himself up for thinking with the wrong head. And wishing that it hadn't been just him that had gotten so much enjoyment out of it.  He preferred it when it was about both of them, not just him.

He closed his eyes and couldn't stop his mind from replaying those events.  But then he promptly turned the faucet to cold and forced himself to put that aside.  He shouldn't think about that right now, about what had happened on that couch, or right in the shower where he was standing, the night before. He needed to focus. He couldn't afford any more temptation.

*****
Cait felt his kiss on her head, heard him leave and pushed herself up with a sigh. She needed to get started on her own day, to get back to work. And she needed to find time to get a walk in, to get some exercise of some kind. It had been two and a half weeks since her surgery and she was getting stir crazy.

She supposed she should feel guilty for intentionally distracting Grayson the night before but she couldn't. She was doing this for him, making sure he could keep his focus on basketball. And it wasn't like she wasn't willing. She loved that she had that effect on him, that she could make him forget everything else. That he still wanted her, wanted that intimacy with her.

But she was getting concerned that she could only distract him from conversation for so long, and that once they started talking, he would realize that she was hiding something. Grayson wasn't stupid, and he was pretty good at figuring her out. And it was hard to keep anything from him with them living together.

She reminded herself that he wasn't ready to get married anyhow, but that was small consolation. Whether he wanted to get married now or ten years from now didn't change the fact that he wanted children.

As she sipped her coffee, she replayed in her head their conversations about the future, heard his words. In Hawaii. Someday I want to marry you, to make babies with you. And in December, in this very house. I want you. I want you and me and some kids. More than one, not an only child.

Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her cheeks again. Grayson had been completely open about what he wanted. And him being completely open was a rare gift, at least most of the time. He wanted more than just her. He wanted a family. One she might not be able to give him.