I'll Find You

10 Feet Down

My hoodie over my face so nobody can see me
I'm on a plane, 'bout to fly again
Looking out the window, take a moment to admire it
Wondering how high it is, wonder where the time has went
----10 Feet Down, NF ft. Ruelle

January 10, 2018

Pitt wasn't exactly tough competition, but at least they played better as a team.  The defense was solid and Grayson managed 11 points, although he still wasn't shooting well.  At least he felt like he contributed, and he didn't have to play the whole game.  The game was well in hand from the beginning. But he needed to figure out why his shot was off.

Coach had been giving him grief about not playing harder, not being as fiery and emotional on the court.  And his dad had pissed him off this week, saying the same thing.  But he was afraid that once he unleashed that, he might not be able to avoid some kind of incident that would put him back in the crosshairs.  He was struggling to balance playing with emotion with keeping his composure, being unselfish and being the team leader.

They were headed back to Durham after the game, with a busy week ahead.  A home game on Saturday and then almost immediately off to Miami to play on Monday.  And classes would be starting again.  This was the part of the season that always got tiring, the newness wearing off and the travel and games starting to feel like a grind. 

Grayson was looking out the window of the plane at the dark, cool night below.  Cait was still in Austria, would actually be hitting the slopes for Downhill training in just a few hours. 

He missed her.  As much as he tried to put it aside, in quiet moments like this one, the feeling was overwhelming.  He just gazed out the window at the inky night and wished that she was waiting for him in Durham.  He wanted to go to her house, to climb in bed with her, instead of going to the apartment he shared with Justin and settling for his own lonely room and empty bed.

The feelings were getting more intense every time she was gone.  It had sucked in the spring and summer, but somehow this was worse.  Just like he'd realized that he kept falling deeper in love with her, he found that her leaving was more painful every time she went.  And this time was long. 

As if he had some kind of radar, Justin dropped into the seat beside him and elbowed him.  While Grayson was focused on taking care of the rest of the team, Justin had appointed himself to take care of Grayson.  With Luke not here, Justin was his next best friend and his roommate.  And after talking with Cait before she left and with Coach, Justin had recognized that Grayson sometimes needed someone to bully him into talking, even when he didn't want to.

Justin had actually called Luke to talk to him about it, after the disaster at NC State.  Justin explained that they needed Grayson to be their captain, that it was important to the team that he stay grounded, that he could focus, and asked Luke's advice on how to deal with him, how to help him. And Luke had plenty of suggestions; including not putting up with his shit, not being deterred by his bad attitude and making him talk about Cait even when she was away.  And Justin realized that Luke was right.  Not talking about her clearly wasn't helping and he'd been letting Grayson get away with it.  There was nothing to lose by trying a different approach.  So Justin looked over at his captain now and said her name.

"Cait'll be skiing soon, won't she?" He eyed Grayson carefully.

"Just training runs the next two days," Grayson said lowly.