I'll Find You

Let You Down

Feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
Let you down
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
——Let You Down, NF

When Grayson's shot fell out at the end of regulation, Cait knew.  She just felt that they weren't going to be able to pull this one out.

She suffered through the overtime, feeling like she was going to throw up any second.  And when it was over, she just watched him leave the floor. 

Grayson got to the silent locker room, listened to Coach and consoled his teammates but then asked for a minute before the media was allowed in and walked out.  He found his parents outside, hugged them briefly.  But then he saw Cait, tears on her cheeks.

She ignored the fact that he was sweaty and just wrapped her arms around him.  And she cried against his chest. 

Oddly, her crying forced him not to for a few minutes.  Finally, she took a couple of deep breaths and looked up, reaching a shaking hand up to his face.  "Love you," she said hoarsely.

"Love you too," he murmured.  "Gotta go do the media stuff, but thanks.  Just needed to see you for a minute."

She nodded and he gave her one last hug, then returned to the locker room to take that jersey off.  For the last time.  Forever.

*****

March 26, 2018

Grayson got home after midnight. He'd expected Cait to be sleeping, but found her sitting up in bed, hugging her knees, just staring at nothing.  She seemed almost startled to see him.   "Are you okay?" she asked quickly.

Grayson sighed and kicked off his shoes.  "Right now, I don't want to deal with anything.  I don't know what I feel."

He got ready for bed, stripping off his clothes and climbing into bed in his boxers.  He pulled her close and she curled into him.  "I'm so sorry, Gray," she whispered.

"Don't be sorry," he said quietly.  "It was an amazing four years.  I'd do it all over again if I could, even knowing how it ends."

"Are the kids okay?" she asked.

"They're pretty upset.  Flight was silent, for the first time all year," he sighed.  "But they'll recover."

"And you?" she breathed softly.

"Right now, I just want to lay here with you," he said.  "I know you like to make me talk, but that can wait, okay?"

"Okay," she said.  But even after she heard his deep, even breathing, knew he was asleep, she just laid there, holding onto him.  Wishing they could stay that way.  Forever.

*****

Coach had told them all to take the day and relax before they got into post season meetings. So Grayson decided it was time to move the rest of his stuff from the apartment to the house. He was struggling with this being the end. He suddenly wasn't a college kid anymore.

He moved the last of his stuff.  The last thing he unloaded was his golf clubs, a Christmas present from his parents, which he left by the garage door. He also found time to slide that ring box from his bag into his dresser drawer when Cait wasn't around.