I'll Find You

Hearts On Fire

How can we talk when the words just won't come out?
Too scared to open up our mouths
Will we walk when the flames
get higher?
How can we love with our hearts on fire?

——Hearts On Fire, Gavin James

March 11, 2018

Selection Sunday.  The team would be watching together and would carefully study the bracket when it was released.  Grayson knew how this went.  The coaches would spend most of the night watching film, developing scouting reports and game plans for not only their first opponent, but at least their potential second round match up as well. Not to mention beginning to look ahead to the round of 16. They would tell everyone that they were only focused on the first game, but that wasn't necessarily true.

That was for the coaches to do though.  Grayson knew his job was to stress one game at a time, one possession at a time, to the team. Focus, fire, intensity, teamwork and heart were required to make a deep run in March.

He knew that the next week would be insane. The hype and build up would be immense, the pressure intense. He tried again to explain some of it to the kids, but he wasn't sure whether they were getting it or not.

And the bracket reveal showed that they'd be headed to Pittsburgh to play Iona on Thursday afternoon. That shortened the week by a day, which meant they needed to get started on preparation right away. It gave them a day less for Tre's ankle to heal.  And a potential rematch with Michigan State loomed.

*****
Cait threw her phone down with a deep sigh. People really were absolute trash. She couldn't look at the stuff on social media anymore.

The worst were the people wishing actual physical harm or death on him or telling him to kill himself. That was even worse than the posts speculating that he was probably violent toward women, toward her. The sweet boy who had washed and dried her hair after her surgery? Who held her and kissed away her tears? That was absurd. Even when they argued, she'd never, not even for a second, been scared of him.

She was exhausted, hadn't slept most of the night, just laying awake worried about everything. She knew Grayson wasn't paying attention to that stuff and she realized she needed to do the same. But it was hard. She was suddenly afraid for him.

She'd gotten a phone call from Coach the day before. The message had been simple. "He can handle it," he'd said directly. "But I'm going to tell you what I told Sherry last year. He won't be able to handle you not handling it."

So she had to pretend, once again, that she was fine. And she had already been dealing with her own fears about the effects of her surgery.  And her course work.  It all felt like too much.

But she still couldn't talk to him about her feelings or her fears. He needed to focus on basketball, on leading his team. Now wasn't the time to let him know about any of her issues. She would have to focus on what she could control right now. That was homework.

*****

After the team stuff, Grayson returned home to find Cait at the table with laptop and papers spread out. He'd told her to rest, because she was obviously worn out from traveling to New York and back, but she clearly hadn't listened.  He frowned as he came through the door. 

"You're supposed to get some rest," he told her.  "It's bedtime."  He reached over to shut her laptop.

His patronizing attitude was a little too much for her stressed and exhausted state.  "I'm busy."  She smacked his hand away.  "Go to sleep, Grayson.  I have work to do."