I'll Find You

Turning Circles

Love is so moving as it turns around you
Your heart never figures out how love found you
Love's aftermath stage
'One of the lonely'
You're only a number
Left counting the days
——Turning Circles, Sally Dworsky

January 27, 2018

Cait was grateful that Virginia was an afternoon game, because Phil had told her that if he found out that she was getting up in the middle of the night to watch basketball again, he'd confiscate her iPad and laptop.  She'd dared him to try.  Duke was playing Notre Dame on Monday night and she'd damn well be tuned in.

She'd finished second in the Super G event the day before and she was feeling pretty good, although second was definitely not the goal once she got to PyeongChang.  But she was counting down again.  Only this time, she was counting toward time with Grayson instead of counting time until she had to leave him. Willing time to move faster, rather than slower, for a change.

She was ready to get on with it, get the Olympics underway and then behind her. Ready to get to the rest of her life. Her basic impatience was taking over.

But as she curled up on the comfortable couch in her suite, waiting for the game to start, she was reminded of a line from an old movie - life comes at you fast; if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it.

She wasn't sure what it was that she wasn't supposed to miss. Was it the experience of being an Olympic athlete again? Was it these last events of her skiing career? Or was she not supposed to miss out on time with the most important person in her life?

She sighed. For the next four weeks, skiing and Grayson were mutually exclusive. Without any answers, she turned her attention to the game.

*****

Grayson had butterflies again.  He hadn't really felt them since before Michigan State.  But this game was probably bigger than that one.  And he knew Cait wouldn't be appearing this time. 

He'd spoken to her early that morning, when he first woke up.  And she'd just reminded him that she loved him, would love him no matter what happened today.  Now he reminded himself of her words as he got ready to play.

Unfortunately, the game couldn't have been more different from Michigan State. They started out a mess and were down by 10 at the half. Grayson hadn't scored a point.

They played better in the second half, switching to zone defense. But they couldn't hit free throws and they were a little sloppy in the last few minutes. They still had a chance at the end but couldn't quite get it done and lost 65-63. And after thinking he'd turned the corner against Wake, his game had bottomed out yet again.

*****
In Switzerland, Cait was chewing her fingernails as the game was tight. And it got chippy. Virginia was known for being physical and they got cheap as the game got close. Right at the end, Grayson took an elbow to the chin that had her gasping and wincing. To add insult to injury, he got called for the foul. Cait sighed and shut it off, her heart aching for him.
*****

It was late by the time Grayson called after the game, nearly midnight in Switzerland. Cait was under the covers but holding her phone, knowing he'd at least try to call.

"Mhmm, hey Baby Boy," she managed. "How're you doing?"

"I'm okay," Grayson sighed. "But you sound sleepy."