The Day She Let Go | ✔️

• to shatter •

Alyssa was avoiding him again. She found the nausea of dejavu run through her again for when they first met. It repulsed her to think that she was actually hiding from him again. Obviously he had noticed. Alyssa was finding it hard to face him when she was sure that he was seen her crying yesterday.
She felt stupid for playing a game of cat and mouse again with him trying to talk to her and her crawling away. Alyssa wasn't ready for any confrontations. Not yet anyway.

Will on the other hand had decided to tell her. He wasn't one to procrastinate and wanted to sort this out once for all. His eyebrows furrowed when he noticed that she was avoiding him. He didn't know why. Will was pretty certain that he hasn't done anything that would hurt her. Besides, he knew that she hadn't seen him yesterday.

At lunch time, when Alyssa tried to go to the library, Jacob stopped her. He crinkled his forehead asking her what was wrong. Alyssa thought deeply to herself. What was wrong? Why did she suddenly feel this way? She shook her head when she doing only one answer.

She was ill.

Mentally and physically.

Jace had noticed that she was avoiding Will and asked why. Alyssa stuttered, shaking her head. "I'm not avoiding him. Why would you think that?"

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Alyssa hated herself.

Jacob sighed sitting down and pulling out a chair beside him before gesturing for her to sit. Tentatively, she sat down. He asked again and she repeated her answer. Rubbing his forehead, Jacob spoke. "Uh, Alyssa. I don't really know what's happening to be honest, but I just feel like I need to say this."

Alyssa watched him intently. "Come on, you and Will both know that you like each other, so just get together for god's sake?" He said frustrated. "It's not even hard."

When Alyssa tried to speak, he shook his head, "Now, don't deny it. I'm not blind to the way you look at each other. And to be honest, I don't really know how Brianna fits into this but- I. I don't know, just think, okay?"

Alyssa nodded mutely, watching as he smiled friendlily again before walking away. Her knees shook. Everything was buckling down on her and she was struggling to keep herself together. Alyssa wanted to put it all away. She sighed, telling herself that she was already half way through the day. It would soon be other.

Everything would.

She felt a lot better the next day, and the urge to tie up all the loose ends was stronger than ever before. Alyssa had come to the hard decision of speaking to Will later.

He came to her first.

Again, it was lunch and she was walking to the dining hall when she got pulled into an empty classroom.

She was shocked out of her skin, when she say how broken he looked. Alyssa had spent too long thinking about what she was going to do, to notice that the grin that was always on his face had faded. The light in his green eyes had faded and he looked more tired than ever.

He had tried to pick up her shattered pieces only to cut himself on them.

But there he was, a few steps in front of her.

Her heart started racing when he placed both his arms on either side of her, trapping her in. Alyssa let out a nervous laugh asking him what he was doing.

Her heart fell when she saw the desperate look in his eyes. She knew that she was hurting him right now but she also know that if she didn't do this, she'd be hurting him a lot more in future. Surely hurting him a lot was worse than hurting him a little, right?

"Why are you doing this?" He whispered to her, his eyes frantically searching hers. Alyssa tried hard not to lose her plot. She encouraged herself to act in the right way if she didn't want this to end badly.

Don't give him hope when you know you don't have any left, she told herself.

"Doing what?" She asked trying to be as naive as possible. "I- I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know what I'm talking about, Alyssa," he hissed, holding her arm. "Why do you keep pushing me toward Brianna? Yeah I like her but not in the same way that I- Why are you doing that when you know that you-" The words were stumbling their way out of his mouth.

Alyssa took a deep breath, "Will, I've already told you that I- that I like Jace. I don't understand what you're on about," Alyssa lied to him. She knew that this was her last chance with him.

Alyssa wished for the first time that she could live.

Alyssa wished that she didn't have to be cursed with an illness. She wished she was somebody else. She wished she could tell him the truth.

But she knew she couldn't.

She shivered as he hit his fist into the wall beside her. His knuckled tinged red at the impact and a few cuts formed. "For god's sake, why are you lying? You know that you don't like Jacob! I love you, not him!" He said frustrated making Alyssa's heart thunder with desperation. He had said the three words that had hollered over her for as long as she could remember. And however much she wanted to say them back, she knew she couldn't.

She just couldn't.

He lowered his voice, "Why are you doing this to both of us?"

Alyssa stayed silent, water pooling in her eyes.

She wanted to live.

For him.

Not for herself but for him.

A tear escaped out the corner of her eye. Will fell silent for a second, watching it as it travelled down her face.

Swearing to himself, he looked at Alyssa smiling sadly to himself. Alyssa dared to look up and saw his eyes water her he blinked them away, "Please don't cry," he said, wiping the tear from her cheek with his thumb. "I don't want you to cry, I don't even know what I'm doing. I just need to know," He sighed, before cupping her face in his two hands. "During all this time I've known you, every time we've laughed crazily and you've hit me on the head," he briefly closed his eyes and chucked at the memory, "you've- you've felt nothing?"

Alyssa looked up into him intense green eyes, gulping before saying one work that would end it all. She didn't want to. She really didn't. Alyssa uttered the one word that would shatter it all.

"Nothing."

It was a lie. She wanted to spill everything. Like how her heart fluttered at every word of his. At how his crooked smile lulled her to sleep. At how he was everything she ever wanted. His eyes sank but he kept up his smile, keeping his hands around her face.

Slowly, he leant towards her briefly kissing her slowly against her lips. It was soft and sweet, exactly how Alyssa had imagined it to be. She felt herself melt into it, giving him the last piece of herself that she had left.

But within a second, it was gone. Just how she would waste away, it did too. Crumbling slowly before smashing into a million fragments at the end.

Alyssa felt her heart breaking as he whispered quitely, "Okay."