The blue-eyed girl

~040~

The days after the accident are killing me. I told Hayley the news and she just fell onto her knees crying. Everybody at Barden who knew Beca is devastated by the news, especially Jesse. He told me that he talked to her and that she looked good as far as she could be at that time. I haven't slept very well all week, because every time I close my eyes I see Beca inside of the car screaming my name while burning to dead. I don't do that well at Barden too, because everything I do feels wrong without Beca. Like Bella practice. Aubrey wanted us to sing one of Beca's mashups - her love mashup 

- but I couldn't do it. I'm one big mess and I miss Beca. I've called her all week and have left bunch of messages to her voicemail. I know she can't hear them anymore, but it's something I need to do. That's the only way I can hear her voice. The police haven't done an autopsie on the body yet, but they told us that they probably can't because the body was too burned out to do an autopsie. They are still investigating Tom's car, but I don't understand why they will do that. It was an accident. It's logical that a car sets fire after crashing that deep. The police just assuming that the body was Beca's because of the ID. Oh, I told Beca's father the news two days ago. I don't know if that was a good idea, but I figured that a father wants to know that his child is dead. Hayley wasn't so happy that I told him, but he needed to know. He didn't even startle by the news. He didn't care at all. He didn't yell, cry or screamed. Nothing, like Beca had never excisted. I always thought he hated her and now it's confirmed. In fact, he seemed happy to hear about her dead. Is that because Beca knew his secret? Because she knew he killed his own wife and Beca's mother? 

,,Are you going to class today?" Aubrey walks back into our room, after showering and she's not alone. Stacie is here too. I'm happy for them, but I can't really express it. The relationship that I had with Beca was more serious than  the relationship between them and I lost her. I can't stand the sight of two people kissing or make out right now.  

,,No." I look at my hands.

,,Chlo, you need to move on." Starts Aubrey, while sitting next to me. ,,Becas dead have hurt us all, but it's been a week and you're still grieving. Life goes on you know? Nobody can be stuck into the past." How dare she say something like that?!  I push her off of the bed.

,,How can you say such thing to me?! Yes, Beca is dead and yes I need to bury her but it freaking hurts. I have to say goodbye to her forever and you're saying that I need to move on?! How dare you! If you knew me, you would know that I can't go on without Beca!"

,,Wait, are you thinking about suicide?" Stacie looks at me with wide eyes.

,,I don't know, maybe? Look, I appreciate that you guys check up on me, but I don't have the energy to do something. I'm staying in my room and by the way, I need to inform Beca's other friends about her dead." 

,,Does Hayley come to you room to discuss everything?"

,,Yes, she will. It kills her too, but we both know this needs to be done."

,,Good call." They walk to the door. ,,Take care of yourself Chlo, Beca didn't want you to throw away your life." And that's the last thing Stacie says, before the two of them disappear. Stacie is right, I know that she is, but I don't know how to live without Beca. I sigh and grab my Phone, after which I send Beca's friends (Emma, Jordan, Elijah, Austin and Lucy) the news about Beca's dead. I go to the Whatsapp messages between Hayley and me and start a new message.

Chloe 🌞: Hey, are you on your way?

Hayley 🦊: Yes, I can't believe I'm going to Beca's room first tho. She won't be there with her jokes that nobody thought were funny. Well, except for you.