Never Ever Let Me Go {l.p.} *SLOWLY EDITING*

Chapter 4- Here We Go Again

My head, laid on my comfy pillow, it was so soft and I could lay on it forever. That is until my bed started to shake, like there was an earthquake. I jolt up form my bed, sitting up straight. I looked around, but instead of hearing people screaming and freaking out, I see five boys in front of me, smiling like idiots. Liam and Niall were on top of my bed, no wonder my bed was shaking.

I hit them with a pillow. "You guys ruined my dream. I was perfectly dreaming!" I pouted. Louis came over and put his arm around me. He kissed my chubby cheeks and made me blush.

"Oh, sorry love. We were just doing nothing, and we thought that we could have fun jumpin' on your bed while wakin' you up!" His thick, strong accent rang through my ears. Zayn kneeled and took my hands. "I'll buy you ice cream, I know you love ice cream."

Yes, oh how I loved ice cream. But I remember I was trying to be on a diet. "I'm fine, thanks." They looked shock at my sudden disagreeing with ice cream. They know-especially Niall-on how much I absolutely loved ice cream, they were my fave sweets.

"Livvy, are you-" Liam started but I cut him off, not wanting to hear what they have to say. I got up and walked to the door. "I want to see what mom has for breakfast. Did ya'll eat?"

They looked at me, with worried faces. "Yes, we have. Why don't you eat brunch?" I looked at the clock, it was quarter to 12. It was brunch.

I went down to the kitchen and saw a box of pizza. There was a note left on it, in moms handwriting.

Honey, sorry, I had no time to make lunch! So here's pizza. Share with your siblings, and if the boys want, give them too! Love you hun, I'll be back before dinner.

                                                                                                                  Love, Mom

That means Chris is here, and he doesn't have school. "Chris!" I yell, grabbing a piece of pizza and chomping on it. That was all I needed to eat. I drank water and the boys piled in the kitchen, sitting on the counters and talking in soft voices.

Chris came in a minute later "What is it, Liv?" I pointed to the pizza and he smiled. "Cool!" he got a plate and put about three pizzas and headed up his room. I looked over the boys finishing my water. I was in my pjs so I didn't really feel insecure about my body. I had fat, thighs, my arms are fat too and my tummy is giggly. Oh how ashamed I feel.

"So what are you guys talking about?" I asked, they seemed to not bother telling me what they were talking about. And what was with their hushed tone? It's like I'm not supposed to know whatever they were talking about.

Harry glanced at me and said "Oh nothing." He was leaning on the counters, while Liam, Niall and Zayn were sitting on it. Beside him was Louis. I rolled my eyes. "We leave tomorrow. Don't forget."

"Like I could." I crossed my arms. I walked up the stairs to take a hot shower. I felt so angry, but I don't know at who. But I felt very pissed. Maybe I was having my monthly period? I groaned. No one knows how hard it is for me to adjust to this. I was always insecure about myself. Ever since I knew what people were talking to me about. 'She's so ugly.' 'She's so fat' 'Wow, she's a loser. But she knows 1D, so that's why she isn't' 'She doesnt deserve to know those boys, she's just a little bitch.' 'I hate her so much. She annoys me' 'I still can't forget how fugly she is. HAHA'

Tears streamed down my face. Remembering all those painful years. Niall and Sam were always there for me, although, it was still hard. They couldn't stop them speak. The water and tears were mixed up. I sat on the corner of my bathtub. It's hard, very hard.

No one knows that I cut myself. Before, I thought cutting yourself was useless. but I understand what the people feel when they cut. It's like a relief sensation, you just feel good for about seconds. Now, I understand.

I reached for my towel and wrapped it around me, still on the floor of my bathtub. I had a small knife tucked away behind my bathtub, I took it out and putting it shakingly on my wrist. I slit it slowly making the blood drip on the white bathtub. Relief rushed through me.

"Olivia?" Someone said behind my bathroom door. "Is everything alright?"

My eyes widened, I washed my wrist and covered it with a bandage and put my watch on, that's how I kept it a secret. I wrapped the towel around me tightly and walked out the bathroom. The boys were sitting on my bed. "Yeah," I said.

"Are you crying?" Liam came forward, holding my two hands. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?!?" The boys rushed to me and asked what was going on. I waved them off, so they walked out of my room, looking back at me, while closing the door. Here we go again, all of this, the insecurity is coming back and happening again.

I dressed up and cuddled up on my bed. I grasped on my comforter on me and laid on my bed. Sometimes I wished I died. People think I'm so happy and all, but that's the outside, I don't really let people in my inside. There has always been a boundary. Always. 

My eyes started to close, but I could still hear people. The door opened and I bet it was the five boys. "She's so cute when she sleeps," a voice said. It must have been Harry's. 

"I agree," Zayn! "But, I'm getting worried about her." 

There was a sudden silence. "I know. I just think, what she's doing, isn't right." Niall's sweet Irish voice said. I felt my bed move and someone's hand was on top of my hair. They were gently rubbing it. 

"Well, it isn't right, yes. But we don't really know what she exactly feels." Said Louis. "Maybe she's mad at us, because we were whispering in front of her. Girls don't like that, believe me." 

Liam stated "You know that because, when you did that to Eleanor, what happened?" 

I heard Louis laugh lightly. "She just really got pissed and all." the boys laughed. How I love their laughs. 

"We should leave." The bed moved again and I felt each boys, kisses on my cheeks. Then the door opened and closed. They did care. They actually really truly cared about me. And I thought it was because Niall was their band-mate/best friend, that's why they took me in. But realizing, they did it out of love. Nothing else. 

Here we go again with this insecurity.......