The Compromise I Don't Regret

Chapter 32. A SILENT MONOLOGUE

Amaans POV

It's been more that half an hour since I've been in this washroom. I didn't realise I've been in here for this long as I was too busy collecting my thoughts, my feelings that are supposed to be hidden but congratulations Mr Amaan you just ruined it! I don't want to face Sameera now after what I've told her. I don't want to spend more time in this washroom either and I'm so damn tired. Maybe I should take a break tomorrow. All these days purposely being away from home have taken a toll on my sleep. I can't help the feelings, the urge to talk to her and hold her whenever I'm around her. But after the marriage I felt like the best thing to do was to stay away from her, from home as much as possible so that she can be as free as possible in this forced marriage that she hates . I knew this plan was not gonna work for me or should just openly tell her that I want to be with her the rest of our lives and to suck it up and deal with it if she still can't get used to the 'falling in love" concept. Huh! I'm tired of this play! The worst part is I'm to be blamed! She was just getting close to me and opening up to me right before I left for work before our marriage and I had to be an idiot to get lost in my rage and frustration. I hate myself for blaming her and just taking all my anger on her. If I had given her that chance, if I had used my brain and if I had just been patient then maybe things could have been different now. I wouldn't have had to hurt myself by staying away from my wife whom I love. I can't just be away from home now that Ammi and Abu are here because I don't want them to think that we still have problems with this marriage which is unfortunately true. Even if I tell them that she is not comfortable with our relation or that we are not meant to be, they'll just take it as our childishness and our ego which we have been carrying against each other since childhood. And I can't be a jerk to Sameera when all I want to do is be nice to her, love her openly without the fear of loosing her. But I can't take a risk. She had spoken about the divorce even before our marriage. If I try to force this relation or put her under the pressure of loving me back, she might just get fed up and leave me forever. I can't just let her leave my life forever when I have grown up with the promise that she's going to be by my side throughout my life as my wife.  A yawn escaped my mouth and I decided it was time for me to go sleep. I hope she's asleep by now. 
As I entered the room my eyes were met by a sleeping figure on the couch. She was waiting for me? I couldn't help but smile at the thought. I quickly walked over to her and carefully picked her up and slowly walked over to the bed, trying not to wake her up.  My eyes were fixed on her face which didn't look that peaceful. Today was the most that we talked since our marriage and from the conversations I felt like she's hurt by the way things are now, by my ignorance. Is that a thing to be happy about or sad? But I can't just openly express my feelings to her when she didn't even want to be married to me. So this relation can only work out if she gives a positive response from her side. A gesture that she wants to give it a shot. I noticed that she had opened her eyes a little as I placed her on the bed but I doubt if she's fully conscious. She caught hold of my hand as I was about to leave. Yep! She's not fully conscious. I tried to remove my hand but she had a tight hold. I sighed and somehow managed to get into the bed and crawled onto my side of the bed. As I laid down, all set to sleep, she snuggled closer tugging to my left hand. Uh I guess I would have to sleep without a hand today. However the feeling of having her next to me, even if that means she's having my hand, is peaceful. I wish things were different. We are this close to each other yet too far. I wish I could just hold her, embrace her now as we sleep without any second thought. I wish Sameera changes her mind...

PLEASE READ !!👇🏻

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Spoiler alert!!!!!!🚨
Got confused by Amaan's sudden confession of his feelings? Well Amaan has a little secret! Stay tuned to know what it is.... it will be revealed when the right situation comes.

Also I would like you to guess what the secret is in the comment section and I will give a shout out to the person who got it right when I reveal the secret.
Spoiler alert for the spoiler alert:- It's not a big secret though. Bit dramatic and cliche 😁😬.
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Um.... SURPRISE?
Like it ? Don't like it?
Double update people!!
So I thought I would update one more small chapter since I don't know when I'll be able update again but I promise..... uh well or I'll just say I'll try my level best to update January itself.

Also....
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!!!
May this year bring tons of joy and memories to you and since it's not a fairy tale... you might meet with some obstacles too on your way, though I wish otherwise. So may you get the strength to deal with them and get the best out of your experiences.
Thank you guys for supporting me this year.
Thank you thank you thank you so much!!!!!
Stay blessed!!
Keep smiling!!!