Relationship With My Boyfriends Best Friend

Chapter 35.

I was left wondering how I had gotten through the day when I finally made it home. The numbness I felt was incredible considering the circumstances, but something felt wrong about it. I felt like I should feel something. Anything. And I don't.

Caleb is disappointed that I haven't confided in him, having hope that I would on the ride home. He leaves the car with a slam of the door.

I groan and lean my forehead against the steering wheel. I'm so confused. I want to talk to him, I want to tell everyone everything, but there's a chance I'll be looked at differently if I do. Image isn't everything to me, but it's a big part of my life. I've spent most of my teenage years perfecting it, it's something I worked hard for. The determined, smart girl that everyone knows, though, may no longer be too smart.

Feeling compelled to avoid confrontation at all costs, I back out of the driveway and pursue along the snow covered street. It seems like a good idea, drive and think, but I thinking leads to emotions. And most of the time, those emotions lead to me crying. Something I loath and can't help.

I let my mind steer me in each and every direction. I don't even realize I'm parked outside of the Beets household, my car across the street, but close enough. Am I here for Eric or Jace? I couldn't tell you.

I admire the house, trying to think of all the good times Eric and I have had here, but thoughts of Jace and I invade those ones. The day on his bed, me on his lap, our lips fused together. I was so inexperienced - still am - but so consumed with him. I still remember the way his hands felt on me and the way his words sounded in the raspy quality I find so attractive.

A sob escapes my lips on a sudden notion, my head leaning against the seat. I feel so lost and helpless. So lost and confused that I don't know what to do with myself.

Why is it so hard for me to just forget about it? My life would be so much easier if I'd live my life the way it was before, subtract Eric, it would be simple.

Maybe this is like a mid life crisis twenty years early. It's hard for me to clearly understand why Jace betraying me hurts so bad. I mean, I haven't known him long enough to fall in love, but maybe I was on the right track.

Forget it, this was stupid. I'm stupid. The world is absolutely stupid and I'm stuck in the middle.

I go home, my tears drying on their own when I finally come to terms with the fact that life is not a fairytale. In real life, there is no Prince Charming and you don't live happily ever after with him. It's all a lie. Sick mistruths that fill your head with the knowledge that they'll never happen.

A bitter feeling fills me as I drive home, the sky dark yet light with the reflection of the snow to help.

I park my car and walk to the house, opening the door where the warmth envelopes me.

"Nina?" I hear my mothers worried voice. My father appears the next second behind her, both of them with concern on their face. Even Caleb joins a moment later. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick."

It's hard to place a care. "Sorry. I was out...doing some errands."

I sound vacant to the point that I find it hard to believe that it's my voice. I'm the one talking and yet it doesn't remotely seem so. Apparently I'm not the only one who spots the difference.