Relationship With My Boyfriends Best Friend

Chapter 38.

As I stare at the ceiling this late Saturday night, I begin to feel guilty and lonely. I'm beginning to wonder if running away from Jace earlier was really the best choice, when it's clear that my emotions for him run deep. I got scared, is all I can really say. My love for him goes beyond anything I've ever felt and the knowledge he has such a control over me frightens the ever loving wits out of me.

Even when I said I loved Eric, nothing felt like this. I'm jittery every time I think about it and a warm, fuzzy feeling fills me. Just saying it in my head makes me appear to be on cloud nine. Who the hell wouldn't be scared of that?

Strangely enough, it also makes want to vomit. It's overwhelming, hardly enough for me to bare on my own, so the sickening symptoms are full force whenever I go too far into what could happen if I ever let these feelings fly.

Back to being lonely, I know Jace has only stayed with me once, but I crave and miss it.

I'm going crazy. Absolutely insane. Because of him and only him which means he's the only one who could bring me back down to earth and claim my once pure soul.

I groan, rubbing my eyes. I feel completely sober, but I know that the alcohol still lingers in my veins. Despite this fact, I'm wide awake at nearly two in the morning and don't know how to handle myself. I'm torn between crying and screaming in frustration.

Or you could just go to the source of the problem-

What the...

That was weird and definitely not going to happen. I can't go to Jace, that would prove that I indeed can not stay true to my word and have no spine. I mean, that's crazy. My parents would never let me go out at this time of night and certainly not to Jace.

That's why you don't tell them.

My subconscious is evil as well.

Regardless, I begin to decipher it. Would it be so bad? I do need to talk to him instead of running away from our problems any further, and no one would ever know. Besides the fact that I have church tomorrow morning, but who cares. I'm not planning on staying the night.

With this in mind, I grab two sweatshirts to cover myself with, my boots and my phone and keys before going to the window. Jace has gotten up here once before, so it can't be that hard.

I lick my lips and look down at the ground below me. Swallowing nervous I declare that maybe it will be, being on the second floor definitely is not meant for this. I look over to my left and notice a wooden latter. When I stare a little close I also notice that it's just outside of Caleb's window. Oh so that's how he sneaks out all the time.

I really don't know what I'm thinking right now, especially as I go into my brothers empty room and climb out of his window. The little sneak really knows what he's doing.

I land in the snow, my breath visible in the cold air, and immediately take off for my car. I probably shouldn't be driving after my night of drinking, but I think it's pretty much worn off so I should be good.

I probably don't even have to drive since he's just around the block, but either way I make the short trip over there and park a house down. I blink into the empty night and really begin to think about what I'm about to do.

Live a little. Braylee has told me this more than enough times, and I'm finally taking them to heart. I don't want to have to look back on my teenage years and regret the chances I never took. I don't want to have the feelings of wanting to redo everything.

Nodding my head to encourage myself, I step out of my car and walk to the window of Jace's room. How I remember this is beyond me, I've only been in his room once.