My Salvation (CURRENTLY EDITING)

Chapter 50

Aadil.

I've been seated outside Nawal's room, for almost 6 hours, strolling across the corridor and keeping a check on Nawal from time to time. It looks weird, doesn't it? The one who gave all the pain, all the bruises is checking up on that person. If her parents abusing her almost all of her life wasn't enough, my part literally tore her. There was this invisible string that held her poor soul. I broke it. I don't think she'd ever recover from this.

They say life is all about ups and downs, it shows you the real faces of those you once trusted. The facade that they keep. The ugly truth. Some things that you really don't want to face, but life slaps onto your face.  In my case? It's nothing different. It is, however, bizarre. I am not a person full of perfection as they portray in the business field. I am far from it.

I am not a person who expresses his feelings openly. I can't do that, even if I try. I have nobody to talk to. No one. What a pathetic life I have. The CEO has a miserable life? Impossible! So, I try to live like that. Enjoying my life. But, the thing is, what is there to even enjoy about? Torturing innocent people isn't one of them. I was so blinded by the revenge that I didn't look across me what is really happening. What others are going through. What a bastard I am.

I shouldn't even be standing here, let alone check if she needs anything. I mean, why should I? Right? I've done nothing but hurt that person who is close to my heart. The one who captured it and I wanted her to do that. Keep it with her and never let it go. The only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life, to love her and to hold her when she needed me. But what I did? Abused her. For God's sake, I almost killed her! What kind of animal am I? Am I really that horrible of a person? If yes, then Nawal is not in safe hands. She was better without me. She is better without me. Everything comes down to me. I am the cause of everything. If I can send my own mother, my own blood to the hospital, you can't expect anything better from me.

I should just leave everything. Leave London and move somewhere else, where people won't be afraid of me. People, who don't have to live in fear because of me. That sounds really good. But why my heart isn't listening to me? Why is it saying constantly to not leave Nawal?  To not leave my remaining family members? I am the root of everybody's miseries. Me disapearing is the best solution.

Do you really want to? Do you really want to leave the person who was once your everything and will always be? Leave those who can forgive you in a snap? My inner, greedy voice kept reminding me to not leave them here. Damnit! What should I do? I can't think right now. At this time I should just focus on my wife and nothing.

Yeah. "Focus" on your "wife". Damn that inner thought! Once I see that Nawal is all good, then I'll leave. Yeah. That sounds good.

Yes. Run. Run like you always do. You are a coward. Can't face the difficulties and just run away like a kid. You are better at this. Even my inner voice hates me...

Flashes from the time we spent together came to my mind. The time when everything was perfect. When there was no tears, no sadness. It was happiness and laughter. The time I started to like Nawal. The time I actually planned to marry her with her permission and not forced one. The time Aziza looked at me as if I am her real brother. Then there's the time...the time I slapped Nawal. The time I forced her into a marriage she didn't really want. The time I blackmailed her sister just for the benefit of me, not even realizing if I actually sent them back to their country, there was no chance of seeing them even alive. I tried to kill my Nawal twice. How the heck I have the right to even say that I...I love her? Do I love her? This sounds twisted. Abusing her for what? Because I love her? Forced her to marry me just so I can declare my love? What a sick joke. I really should have died on that day. Those days when I wasn't really in good hands. I almost died. Almost. But I guess Allah didn't want me to die too early. I tried to become a better person and what happens? I keep turning into the same old person.