Dear Soulmate (Laito SakamakiXReader)

chapter 6

chapter 6 Apoptosis

(Warning! This chapter has a triggering scene regarding self-harm. Read the author's comment below if you want to skip the chapter but want to know what happened.)
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dear soulmate,

my editor told me that i won't be able to be one of the featured artists for this month. he said that i'm too young to be one and that others should be put to priority first. though i feel like the real reason to this is that he's disappointed in me because i took a long hiatus from drawing.

nevertheless, this can only mean one thing; i can't take in revenues for my work just yet.

don't worry! i'm not sad! i'll work hard and strive better! watch me do it!

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"Deeper." she groaned.

She needs to feel it. She needs to feel alive. She needs to feel the deep penetration of this foreign material deep in her skin.

She took a huge inhale, stopping herself from cutting any deeper than she should. Blood continuously dripped down her wounded wrist, leaving stains on the floor as well as her white shirt. Her right hand shook as her grip on her cutter tightened. She sat on the edge of her bed, careful not to get blood on it. It would be a hassle to clean later.

Her dull eyes were gleaming with tears that threatened to fall. It wasn't because of the physical pain she had caused herself. It was because of another failure she had induced upon herself.

It had always been her fault. It was her fault that she's stuck in this mansion. It was her fault that she got injured for a month. It was her fault that she didn't get the only job she was actually good at.

Actually, was she even good with her job? Maybe the real reason why she wasn't accepted as a featured artist was that her art and narration sucks. She sucks. She was a failure.

She had always been a failure. Ever since she was a child, she had not been able to fulfill her promises to her loved ones. Being independent doesn't change sh*t. She was not even an inch closer from her goals in life.

She had always been pathetic. Even as a kid and now as an 18-year old girl. She can't turn the sh*tty tides life gives her. It had always been too strong that she always ends up going with the flow. It was pathetic.

With a frustrated growl, she threw the cutter across the room. Blood continued to flow out her wrist as the pain it caused seem like mere throbbing for her. Even the pain she felt was so numb. It made her feel even more pathetic.

"Cutting is the only thing you can even do, you pathetic excuse of a person," she told herself in a hateful tone. "And you can't even get right."

The girl clenched her right hand into a tight fist. "Very pathetic, pathetic, pathetic..." she said, further humiliating herself.

"And here I am wondering why the heavy scent of blood covered the entire mansion."

The girl froze, entire body shaking as her eyes focused on her bleeding wrist.

"... Why are you here? Didn't you guys go to school?" she asked, looking at the redhead who was picking up the cutter that was on the ground.

"I decided to stay home because the sacrificial bride might escape while we're gone." Laito nonchalantly answered, playing with the cutter, twirling it between his long fingers as he inched closer towards the girl. "Though I doubt it." he then dropped the sharp material on the ground with a soft thud and stopped once he was directly in front of the girl.