His Mute Mate

ch.44

* Hey sorry this update is late but school started up again so there might a few more late updates as I try to get back on a scheduled involving school. Sorry I hope I don't fall to off schedule but if I do then im very sorry. Anyway I hope you like the chapter.*

Winter

The dreams mean something. I always thought they were just weird, I mean I knew they were telling me things. But I just thought it was my imagination or a coincidence. Turns out they were literal messages from Rosa and Alex, put into my head to both build me up and tear me apart. Just thinking about the fact that I haven't had a normal dream since my parents died. They've all just been weird messages sent to me. My feelings were mixed on it all I e been through so much in my dream state I thought I was going crazy. Its not normal for all your dreams take place in the same place everytime for as many years as they have.

Its just crazy. Its all crazy I have all these people inside my head. They all know what I'm thinking, my weaknesses, what little strengths I have. They probably know more about me then I do myself. I don't understand what's so special about me. Im nothing but a sad girl who only found a shard of happiness when she became dependent on others. That's all I am. Im not even strong enough to keep my own mind guarded from the demons and angels that live in secret from the rest of the world. Im nothing but a weak pathetic little girl.

"Winter whatever you're telling yourself or whatever they are telling you isn't true" Dean reassures like he always does, but this time its not Alex or Adrian its me. These thoughts are my own made and processed with my own mind. Sure his words made me feel better but its not enough to fully mute my own thoughts. Unlike with Alex and Adrian I can't just build up a wall of steel and them out, instead I can build up a wall to keep. I throw on a soft smile before nodding my head 'yeah I know im fine' I tell him kissing his cheek. 'I think im gonna go change in some pjs I'll be right back' I smile grabbing my bag and going straight to bathroom.

As soon as im inside I lock the door before reaching deep into the bag and pulling the one thing I've tricked myself into thinking will help. In shines in the soft glow of the bathroom light as I slowly turn it over in my hands. I look at it almost like an old friend who left me behind but is back. I don't want to take back this friend but they say they've changed. They say they can help make feel better. Slowly I press the cold metal against the skin on my thigh. I slid it across and then watch mesmerized by the crimson color of my blood.

I had forgotten the feeling of being the one in control of my pain. I slid it against may thigh over and over again until I can't tell the difference between blood and skin. "Hey Winter you ok in there?" Dean asks knocking on the outside of the door. Quickly I put the blade away and change into my pajamas so he doesn't suspect anything. 'Yeah sorry I could find them for a second almost thought I left them at my house' I lie instantly feeling bad but I don't want him to worry. "Only you would lose your pajamas in a bag" he laughs poking my forehead. "Come on lay back down im sure you're still tired" he says leading me back to bed for the third time tonight.

He was right I was sleepy but the chances of sleep are slim. There are to many thought going through my brain. "Calm down baby nothings gonna hurt you, you need rest though just as said to me a few days ago" he says looking at me with a serious expression. I nod taking in a deep breath and attempting push the thoughts away. My eyes start to feel heavy but then I get that paranoid feeling again like somebody's watching me. 'Dean do feel like someone watching you' I ask as the feeling doesn't go away. "No?" he says questioningly before taking a big whiff of air probably trying to see if be smells any word sents, but as be shakes his bead again I know he just smelt us. "You're probably just still shaken up from what happened earlier along with dream" he says easing my paranoid nerves. I nod agreeing before curling up into Dean holding back a wince as I apply pressure to my new wounds. Once the pain subsides I let my eyes drift shut and welcome the darkness of a sleelles night.