blackpink oneshots

do it. talk. || chaelisa

Dehumanisation was a word none of Lisa's therapists had recommended her using and she was pretty sure people who knew things about wording would not like it, but it was the only word that seemed appropriate. After all, that was what she had become - less like a human and more of a robot.

or; an accident leaves Lisa with a robotic arm. The process of accepting herself is long, frightening and fucking shitty.

-

The most frightened Lisa had ever been was when she first woke up without an arm. Not even waking up directly after the accident, with her entire body throbbing with pain and her head filled up with questions had been worse.

Waking up and knowing that she never would get her right arm back, never would be able to live the life she had lived before the accident, not even knowing if she could manage to keep living, it truly was the most terrible thing.

Chaeyoung was there, though, and it made everything better as well as it made things worse. The relief of Chaeyoung not leaving her, not being grossed out and walking away was amazing; but even stronger was the nagging feeling of fear and distress.

At any moment, Chaeyoung could get tired of helping Lisa, tired of holding her when she had her anxiety attacks, or just not want to be seen around her.

Lisa, the girl who lost her arm and got an artificial arm welded to the nerve endings of her shoulder. Lisa, the girl with the robot arm, the one who was barely human.

The very first time Lisa had tried to control the arm by her own mental impulses, she had passed out from the exhaustion and disappointment. It went straight to hell, the disgusting arm did not react whatsoever and she cried herself to sleep.

The worst thing was everybody trying to understand but not being able to. Chaeyoung wanted to make it better by little awkward touches and words, but Lisa didn't want her to feel like she needed to be close to her, not with all the black, smelly bitterness and frustation in her mind and the seemingly dead robot arm at her side.

So instead she fought shy of it all, pretended to sleep whenever Jade was at home and avoided other people. It was easier not talking to others at all than trying to ignore the bulky and very obvious body part.

Lisa didn't feel comfortable calling it a body part, but those were the words every doctor and therapist wanted her to use. Lisa had chosen to undergo this form of treatment, and yet she refused to accept the consequences. The arm was repulsive, uncooperative and constantly attracting attention.

Most of all, she wanted to rip it off, electrodes, magnets and all, but she knew just how much she couldn't do that.

Despite regular physical progress it never really got better. Lisa rather felt even more distant to the arm that was made to replace her own. It didn't feel like a part of her, although different, like it had the first few weeks.

She learnt how to make simple movements such as lifting the arm above her head, she could move the fingers to such an extent that it made it possible for her to wave, stroke her hair away from her face (if she was careful not to poke her eyes out) and even drinking out of a glass very slowly.

All of this should have made her happy and excited. She should have gotten used to the thought of living with this new arm now that she was somewhat able to use it. Despite all of this, it felt wrong. Very wrong.

Lisa started to hide not only the arm, but all of her body beneath layers and layers of clothes she would never have allowed within a five feet distance away from herself before the accident.
But since literally everything else had changed after the accident, it made sense her style of dress wouldn't be the same either.