blackpink oneshots

i know it's over || jenkai

jennie reflects everything from the past year

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Jennie lies in bed. It's around 10 p.m. on January 30th. She's listening to whatever song on her 'in my feels' playlist, her go-to when the overwhelming feeling of dread, self-hatred, and guilt gets the best of her and she's so down-hearted that she doesn't know what to do. Her phone is resting on the nightstand next to her, along with the abandoned beer bottle. She thought drinking would make her feel better, but it only made her more depressed. It was fine. Jennie thought she was good at making mistakes.

She begins to think about every little mistake she's made over the course of the shitty fucking year.

She thinks about Kai.

Kai was the first guy Jennie ever dated. Kai was her way of overcoming the bullshit that she went through each day. She was grateful for their relationship. Things went so well. Until 4 months into the relationship.

Kai had texted Jennie one night, asking to talk. Jennie was confused, as he was vague, and she thought vague "we need to talk" messages would be something that Kai would avoid. She guesses no one is completely immune to that.

Of course Jennie agrees to talk. There's nothing she can do. She feels her heart pounding out of her chest. As she sees the three dots indicating that Kai is typing, she finds herself in a silent frenzy. He's breaking up with me he's breaking up with me he's breaking up with me he's breaking up with me he's-

Her spinning thoughts are interrupted by Kai's message appearing. He sent two, simply saying: "I like someone else" and "but I still love you and want to be with you".

Jennie completely disregards the second message. She's already crying, and her glasses are off, so she can't see very well.

That was way fucking worse than a breakup.

"Who is it?" She texts back, and she's sure there's a typo in each word. But she doesn't care. Why would she care when she feels this terrible?

"It's my ex. Krystal Jung. But I promise, I don't want her. I want you." Liar. Jennie internally screams. If this were face-to-face, she'd be a bigger mess than she already was. She can't find it in her, however, to be angry. She should have expected this. She knew she wasn't adequate. All she did was text back with a lie. "I love you." Jennie realizes she's crying when she comes back to reality.

She's tempted to retaliate and do something to punish herself for being such a wimp, but she continues to lay in bed and act like a pathetic, helpless, little kid.

She wants to forget, but the play-by-play breakup not even a week after still haunts her mind.

"Jennie, I am so so sorry. But I need some time to myself. Things aren't going right and you're just..."

"Dragging you down?" she says, refusing to look up from her bitten nails. "No. I don't know if I'm making you happy, Jen. I can't tell and it's stressing me out. I-I can't do this," Kai began to tear up.

Jennie is suddenly furious. She begins screaming at the top of her lungs, yelling about how Kai is a victimizing piece of shit, how he was so selfish, and how she fucking hated him and never wanted to see him again.

But all that came out was a pained sob, tears beginning to drip down her cheeks. She says nothing and runs past Kai, head down and-

She quickly pushes Kai out of her mind and finds something else to grasp. It's not positive, simply because she's not in the positive mindset. She starts to think about her parents.

Jennie's parents didn't hate her, but they were never around. Sometimes she found herself wishing they'd hate her and be around. That'd be better.

She didn't hate being home alone either. It was more the fact that after losing Kai, she really didn't have anyone else.

Her mind shifts to her birthday.

She wakes up at noon, yawning loudly as she sits up out of bed and stretches. She smiles wide, realizing what day it was. She slips out of bed and quickly runs upstairs to the living room. It's empty. She refuses to let her smile fade, but as he checks the kitchen, it drops and she gets the chills, despite it being around 90 degrees outside.

She realizes there's a note resting on the counter.

'Happy birthday, Jen. We're sorry we can't be here with you today . We got caught up in business. Call us if you need anything. We love you.'

That was all they wrote? After leaving me? Jennie snatches the note from the counter and crumples it up, ripping it to shreds. She ignores her pounding heart and tosses the shreds into the garbage can.

She ignores the tears beginning to spill from her. She takes her glasses off and tosses them to the side, sulking back to his room, also ignoring her breathing beginning to pick up. She collapses on her bed and heaves into the pillow.

She snaps out of her daze, bitterly sitting up. She's used to her parents being absent ninety-nine percent of the time, but on her eighteenth birthday? What the fuck kind of vendetta did life have against her to make things so fucked up?

She can't have a boyfriend without him ditching her, leaving her in the dust for Krystal Jung. Her parents don't give a shit about her. They're gone all the time. They barely even visit each month! Why does she care so much about people who don't even know she exists?

Jennie stares at the wall across from her. Everything she does, everything to keep people from abandoning her is all for nothing. She doesn't get anything out of it.

Would they even notice if she.

Just.

Dropped out of sight?

Certainly Kai won't. He kicked Jennie out of his life. He doesn't have any regard for her anymore.

And her parents. They could sell her car if she did. If Jennie drops fucking dead, they could get rid of everything Jennie owns. Then they could have more money.

She gets out of bed. She's done. Not going to do this any longer. Why would she stay? When she could get rid of the root of the problem?

Her. She's the problem.

Kuma stretches, staring up at her with big brown eyes.

She gives him one last pet. "This is ridiculous," She mutters. "But I love you, Kuma. Take care, baby."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, she's guilted into staying.

She looks up at the wall. All the photos of her and her girls. Jisoo, Chaeyoung and Lisa. And Jennie. The one who keeps them grounded. Jennie thought about what would happen to them if she left. She imagined herself in their shoes. If any of them were to leave, Jennie wouldn't know what to do with herself. Staying with the girls was something she had to do. They would get through this together. She realized she really wasn't alone after all.

Kuma needing care was a stupid reason, but a big reason to stay nonetheless. Staying with Jisoo, Chaeyoung and Lisa was the ultimate choice.

Maybe she could wait it out a few more months. Just for them.

Maybe it's not over yet.

It definitely isn't over.

Not now, not ever.