Buy me flowers| PJM

F. 20

We somehow end up having small talk in the living room. I literally had no intention at all to stay with them, because in the back of my mind, the assignments for school were stressing me out. But there was something soothing in these boys' presence around me. Even Jimin's. Seeing my brother talking to them as if they've been friends forever made me feel at peace with myself, at least for a few minutes.

I get to find out that Taehyung is interested in music, being a student at University of Arts, alongside Jimin. Thinking about it, I bet his deep voice sounds angelic when he sings and I end up daydreaming about the way his voice would fall on a pretty melody.

During the whole time, Jimin sits silently on the sofa, throwing remarks here and there. Some of them are jokes, some of them are just additions, but that's it. I almost ask him what's wrong, but do I know him well enough to understand him? I don't think so. Therefore, I'm not in the place to ask him. I choose to enjoy the conversation between Taehyung and Hoseok, who were talking so lively about some new song both of them seemed to like so much.

"Yunie-ah, you should ask JungKook to come over." My brother suddenly says.

I freeze. Three pairs of eyes were on me now and I couldn't feel more nervous.

"I don't think it's a good idea." I answer, trying to sound as firm as possible.

However, I look at Jimin when I say it.

I knew that if I had looked at my brother, I wouldn't have been able to answer him, I would've started crying the next second. And I knew that Taehyung's smile would've made me say the truth.

So I choose to look at Jimin, thinking that he won't be able to read me.

But I realize I'm wrong.

The next second, I remember he found out by his own that I've cut myself. He found out by his own that I was the author of the wounds on my arm. I remember he could see beneath my lies, beneath my act, beneath my ignorance. He could see through me.

That's when I suddenly avoid his gaze.

"He's busy tonight." I say looking at my brother, pushing myself to give him a smile.

He nods his head and gives me one of his bright smiles. However, Jimin keeps staring at me and I understand that he knows.

He knows I'm lying.

But fortunately, he doesn't say anything.

"I see. By the way, why didn't you tell me his father has returned home?" my brother asks me.

Because I've found out just yesterday.

"I guess I forgot. But how did you find out?" I ask.

"I ran into him at the pharmacy today, when I went to buy some bandages for you. He was buying some medicine for JungKook's mother, he said she's sick."

I look at his face as he talks, realizing he doesn't see anything wrong at this situation. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe his mom really caught a cold and I'm just overreacting.

But JungKook's mother is a doctor. I have never met a healthier person than her. How could she be affected by the cold weather?

I decide to toss these thoughts aside and as I focus on the conversation again, I realize Taehyung was asking about JungKook.

"He's my boyfriend." I say before my brother or Jimin can answer.

I said that more like a reminder to myself, a reminder for the fact that I do have a boyfriend after all. For a second, the room dives in silence, that kind of silence that makes you feel like you did something wrong. I didn't though. I just answered Taehyung's question.

"Oh, you have a boyfriend?" Taehyung smiles. "I can't wait to meet him."

I smile. I haven't thought about that until now, but reflecting over it, it sounds like a good idea. Taehyung's bright personality would be able to light up even JungKook's somber thoughts. It would be good for him.

"I bet he'd like to meet you, too." I say smiling.

"You know what, why don't you invite him to my brother's party?" Taehyung suddenly says.

"Oh, it would be too much-..." I try to change his mind.

"C'mon, Yuna, I've already told you I need quality people there and I bet he's awesome."

"He is." Jimin says looking at me. "I guess it would be truly nice if he came as well."

I glare at Jimin with a cold look on my face. Why does he want JungKook to come to the party if he doesn't want me to come?

"See? He has to come!" Taehyung insists. "Wait, do you know him?"

He turns around to face Jimin with a confused expression and I can't help but smile a bit. His confusion is so cute.

"He and Yuna came to support us at the dance contest last week. They met  there." Hobi explains.

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't come that time." Taehyung sighs. "I should've tried harder to find somebody to work in my place that evening."

"It's fine, Taehyung-ah." Jimin says.

"No, it's not." Taehyung says as he looks at his friend.

They stare at each other for a few seconds, like they would have some telepathic conversation that neither I nor my brother could hear. There was some kind of tension between them, but I couldn't really understand the cause of that. Even so, the silence seemed fragile, as if both of them were going to explode if anybody said the wrong thing.

"I should've been there." Taehyung says and Jimin sighs, breaking the visual contact.

"Okay, I guess I'll ask him to come along..." I say a bit unsure of how I'm supposed to speak after what happened between Jimin and Taehyung.

The latter one gives me a warm smile and clasps his hands in sign of happiness. Again, I can't help but grin. His adorable way of being melts me, but somehow, this feels so good.

"The party will be awesome!" he beams and I chuckle at his excitement.

I see my brother smiling at my reaction. He barely gets to see me this joyful so I guess he's relived to see me this way right now. He's happy to see me like this and it just warms my heart even more. Even though deep down, I know I'm not completely fine, I can let myself believe I am alright from time to time. And if I can spend at least a few minutes enjoying this fake feeling, I'll be able to feel alright. I know it's just a sweet lie...

...but after all, isn't that the only way I've lived until now anyway?