Buy me flowers| PJM

F. 34

The first thing I do when I wake up is to take a shower. I stumble through the clothes and blankets thrown on the floor of my messy room, trying to accommodate my vision with the darkness.

5 AM.

For some people, it might be a bit too early. For me, it's already too late for sleep.

I let the cold water run on my skin, pretending like it can wash away the memories of last night as well.

I chuckle to myself. It can't.

I look at my wounds while I lightly run my fingers over them, thinking about how much they would sting if I washed myself with hot water instead. I try to wash Yunie away, but the traces of black marker won't go away so easy. I sigh. Covering myself in soap bubbles should work. At least for now.

What are you going to do now? Is the first thing that comes in my mind.

I don't know.

No, actually, I have no idea.

I focus on the droplets of water falling on my skin instead of contemplating over what I should do. I might be able to run away for a bit longer.

We were millimeters away from kissing.

And with this simple thought, my mind is flooded with thousands of What if's.

Don't think.

I try not to.

But it's like holding your breath, you can keep it going for a while, until you feel like your head is gonna explode.

So you gasp for air.

I sigh and sit in the shower. The water falls on my head, making my hair go all grizzy and wet. I stare blankly at the wall in front of me and I feel somehow comforted by the sound of the water falling. It almost feels like I'm not alone.

I stay there for God knows how long, the only hint I have being that the sound of droplets of water falling isn't nice anymore, it's annoying.

I stand up abruptly and suddenly regret it because my eyes are deceiving me, black spots running around before my eyes. I lean on the wall to regain my balance and then turn off the water tap.

Silence.

With a sigh, I put a towel around my body and leave the bathroom, trying to make myself believe I'm ready for a new day.

***

I stare at the bouquet of light pink peonies on my desk in utter shock.

And horror.

And God knows for how long, before a girl with a Marvel t-shirt enters the class, waking me up from my state.

She glances at me before heading to her usual window seat.

How is this possible?

I haven't received flowers in a while. So why now?

I step towards my desk and look at them more carefully.

Just who?

There was a time when I wouldn't have minded it. Heck, I would've praised myself for fooling somebody new into buying me flowers. For that, I'd say "If you love me, buy me flowers", giving them false hopes, when in fact, I was going to step on their heart and screw with their feelings until they don't have any no more.

Maybe that's why I don't really have friends. I've shut everybody out. And I should've realized sooner that my sick game is going to have consequences sooner or later.