Buy me flowers| PJM

F. 24

"It's alright." I hear him repeating and I realize that I can breathe normally.

I hear some footsteps approaching us and I guess that my brother is back with some medicine. But they don't know. There's no medicine that can cure the mess that I am. There's no pill that can ease this sickness. Anything I'd take, it's all a beautiful lie.

"Yunie..." I hear my brother saying wearily.

I slowly sit up and this time none of them stops me. Hobi kneels down in front of me and hands me a mug alongside with a white pill. When I take the mug, I realize it's just water. I swallow my pill sipping the water and I give the mug back to my brother.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me, looking at me worried.

I don't say anything. I feel horrible.

"Are you feeling better?" I hear Jimin asking and I turn my head to the side to look at him.

There. That's something that I can answer.

"Y-yeah..." my voice comes out as a weary whisper.

And that's not a lie. I do feel better than a few seconds ago. I don't feel dead anymore.

My brother looks at Jimin and sighs.

"Thank you." He says.

"Don't." Jimin interrupts sharply. "There's nothing you should thank me for."

I can't bring myself to say anything. But even if I could, what would I say anyway?

"Yunnie, do you think we need to go to the hospital? We can-..."

"N-no." I stutter. "Please, no."

I hate hospitals. Even though I've been there quite often, I hate them. I hate being sick enough to be hospitalized. I'm always sick enough for that. I just push myself to believe I'm not. And believing in this lie feels real sometimes, so real that I don't feel sick anymore.

"I think she just needs some rest." I hear Jimin saying and I mentally thank him for being on my side.

I nod, approving with what he said and my brother sighs.

"Okay, I'll take you to your room." Hobi says standing up.

Somehow I realized that in fact, I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to stay here in my own loneliness. But I guess rest is important and I couldn't take my words back now. Before leaving the living room, I glance at Jimin, wanting to make sure he sees I'm thankful.

But he doesn't look at me.

***

As I silently sit on a bench in the high-school yard, I hear somebody sitting next to me. I move my head to look at the person.

And I see JungKook.

"Hey." He says with a small smile.

"Hey." I whisper in response.

He looks at me for a while and I don't say anything. We just look at each other, not being sure what to do next. So much hesitation, like we'd be two strangers who've recently met each other. I hate this, I hate this awkward air between us.

"I'm sorry." He says eventually.

I look at him wondering what he's talking about. Why is he sorry?

"I shouldn't have pushed you away like that, you meant good." He says, avoiding my gaze.

I grab his arm and squeeze his hand lightly.