Buy me flowers| PJM

F. 26

Part 1

We manage to get to Jimin's apartment quite fast. Hobi gave me his phone to call Taehyung on our way here, to let him know that we are coming. And why we are coming.

Fortunately, Jimin has been conscious ever since Hobi arrived to the practice room so he could stand on his feet with a little bit help. Neither of us spoke too much during the ride: Jimin because his body was so exhausted that even breathing was difficult for him; and my brother and I, mostly because we had nothing to say. But deep down, I knew it wasn't just that. I knew there was a tension between us. And I knew he was feeling it as well.

As soon as we enter the flat, Taehyung jumps up from the couch and helps Hobi support Jimin. They take him to the nearest sofa and lay him down. The sofa I laid on a while ago as well. I stay at a considerable distance, not knowing what I'm actually supposed to do. My brother wipes Jimin's face with a towel and Taehyung runs around the house, searching for some medicine. I feel useless, I can't do anything. I want to ask if I can help them somehow, but I'm afraid I'll be shouted at, considering the tension in the room. I try to stay out of their ways, as they come and go out of the living room, while Jimin breathes heavily with his eyes closed on the couch.

When Taehyung finally returns with some pills and a glass of water, he doesn't look worried anymore. I stare at him, thinking that I might be wrong, but after a few seconds, I realize it's not the case. It takes me by surprise, knowing him as such a bright person, but the flames in his eyes can't lie. Taehyung is mad.

He puts the pills and the glass of water on the coffee table, maybe too loud to seem a normal action. He glares at Jimin and I feel the tension in the air rising.

"You have got to be kidding me." He says eventually and I can't help but shiver at the clear anger in his voice.

I see Jimin slightly opening his eyes confused and I almost catch my breath at how much tension flies in the room.

"What?" Jimin asks as my brother returns, most probably from the bathroom, with a wet towel in his hands.

Taehyung stares at Jimin for a little bit longer before saying:

"You didn't eat anything today, did you?"

There's nothing more than silence in the room after Taehyung's words. Even Hobi has stopped in midway to look at the two of them in bewilderment. I feel small in the situation. I want the floor to open up and swallow me so I can get away from here. Because this situation isn't mine to bear. But it still feels unbearable.

"I did." Jimin says with a small voice.

"Don't lie, Jimin-ah. I was in the kitchen and I saw the food untouched from this morning. You never eat outside when you're going to the practice room so you haven't been to any kind of local either. You haven't eaten anything." Taehyung says with a serious tone that gives me chills down my spine.

Somehow, I can see myself in Jimin. I oftentimes skip meals and tell my brother that I've eaten when in fact, I haven't. But there's a difference between Jimin and I. He gets scolded for doing so. I never do. Because I never get caught. Looking at it now, I wish I did, I wish my brother was mad at me for starving myself. But he never is, because he never finds out. I don't feel guilty for doing so, because he's not disappointed in me. Therefore, what's the point in stopping?

"I wasn't hungry." Jimin tries to defend himself.

Do I understand him? I do, because it goes the same for me.

But am I worried for him? Endlessly.

He's a dancer. He needs food to survive. Thinking about the fact that he danced the way he did earlier that evening without having anything eaten that day... It just makes me shiver. No wonder why his body is so exhausted now. He's pushed himself way further than his limits. And sometimes losing the limits means losing ourselves too.