Between Us (18+)

14| Just Go With It

I let a small yawn leave my parted lips, my body felt stiff and it seemed to protest as I rose from the bed. All I wanted to do was curl back into a small ball and stay between the heavenly soft cotton sheets all day but I knew I had to get up.

Glancing around the room I quickly remembered where I was, a small smile darted across my lips as I thought about Josh and Ethan.

Memories of last night flashed to mind and I ran a slow hand over my face. I had taken off my makeup after rushing back to this room, I couldn't believe that I'd given into them so easily.

'Oh god not again', a voice chided me that I should 'learn from previous mistakes' but the problem lay in the fact that this didn't feel like a mistake. I was infatuated with the both of them, they were all I could think about.

Memories of Max and Ryan haunted me but it wasn't the same this time, I loved Max first, he was my first boyfriend. Ryan had snuck up on me, it had felt so natural with him since we'd been childhood best friends and before I'd known it he had become more than just an old friend. I'd loved them both but when Max died I did what I do best, I ran and I hurt Ryan. Bad.

When you lose someone it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to be hurt again. I just don't want to hurt anymore.

The thought of anything happening to Josh or Ethan brought a lump to my throat, I swallowed it down and wandered over to the ensuite. It would be for the best if I just left now before either of them got hurt, I destroy everything I touch and they are too precious to risk harming.

Why couldn't I just fall for one nice guy, we'd get married, have kids, buy the house with the pretty little flower boxes above the windows, grow old together and get the happily ever after? The thought caused me slight nausea; that dream may be most girls fantasies but it certainly wasn't mine. I knew I wouldn't get that, I'm a realist. At least I'd like to think so.

I quickly washed away any reminders of last night in the huge shower, watching them swirl down the shower drain before grabbing a fluffy white towel from the side and drying off my body. I towel dried my hair until it was no longer dripping down my back, it hung around my shoulders and over the curve of my breasts. Only my towel and necklace remained as I opened the bathroom door.

Stepping back into the room I was met with Josh, he was sat on the end of my bed, his eyes widened as he took in my long bare legs and the practically naked body that was revealed where the small towel didn't cover.

"Josh?" I arched an amused brow at him, surprised to find him in my room. He didn't reply, he seemed almost at a loss for words. That's a first! I thought to myself with a small smile, Josh always had some jocose remark hidden up his sleeve to make me blush or laugh.

"Josh?" I asked again after he remained silent, "please say something you're actually beginning to worry me, has something happened? Have I done something to hurt you?" I sat down beside him on the bed covers, my fingers finding his as they wrapped around the fumbling hands in his lap.

His eyes automatically lifted to mine and he spoke the last words I expected him to say, "I want you to come watch my match tomorrow" his words stumbled slightly and I was unable to help my smile as I listened to him digging himself into a hole, "I mean you don't have to if you don't want to but- I really want you to see me play, like REALLY want you to. So basically I'm asking if you'll come tomorrow but if you-" I cut him off.

All previous ideas of slipping out of their lives and forcing myself not to look back were pushed away, the idea now hidden deep under a mountain of guilt. How could I even think about such a thing? Even if it was in their best interest, I don't think I could put myself though that pain again.