Before You Fall

Chapter 22

Placing the aspirin on top of my tongue, I gulped in a full glass of water before setting it on the side table of my bed.

I sat in my underwear, on my bed, my feet crossed on the mattress as I rubbed my fingers against my forehead to lessen the unbearable ache in my head. Exhaling steadily with my eyes closed, my lips began to quiver, a tear managing to fall onto my bare thigh.

Wiping my palm against my cheek, I dropped my feet to the ground before picking up my phone. I paced back and forth across the room as I tried to think straight, my father's words echoing in the back of my mind.

"It's like you build walls up fill an aura around you every time someone's around."

"I am relying on you for this one time, Tamara, and you still can't do me this favor."

"You drive me crazy. I don't even know what he saw in you that wasn't in Everlyn."

I halted on my steps, Inhaling sharply, my fingers shivering as I stared at my father's contact name on my phone's screen.

"Don't try to punish yourself when you are not at fault." Katie's words rang inside my head like a reminder. I was going into a frenzy, my lips quivering as I breathed unevenly. Taking in a deep breath, I let my index finger press on the call icon before placing my phone beside my ear.

I didn't know I was holding my breath until the moment my father answered the call. "Hello?"

"Dad?" My voice cracked as I walked toward the bed and flumped onto the thick mattress.

"Yes, Tamara?" I heard him ask from the other side of the call. Rubbing my fingers against my forehead, I bit my lip anxiously.

"I n-need to tell you something." I croaked out. There was a second of silence before I heard his voice, once again.

"Tell me."

I don't know what got into me. The moment the words left his mouth, I panicked, hanging up the call and dropping it to my side, on the bed. Bringing my fingers to my hair as I tugged it, I closed my eyes shut, trying to stop the flashbacks that have never failed to torment me in the back of my perplexed mind.

My fingers brushed through the knots in my hair before resting against the mattress, a tear slipping down cheek as I breathed, tranquil.

Bringing myself back to my feet, I dawdled toward the closet. Walking into the little closet, my eyes scanned through my collection of tank tops and shorts, absentminded. My fingers tugged on the sleeve of a tank top, ready to pull it out of the hanger. I stopped as I looked to my left, a certain piece of clothing catching my attention.

Taking a step closer, I had myself focused on the little black dress hung against the wall, a dress that I had been gifted years ago. Letting my fingers brush against the material, I took a further step closer, the beating of my heart getting wild in my chest with every passing moment.

▪ ▪ ▪

I stared at the mammoth neon sign attached perpendicular the wall, it's red light illuminating the crowded street as it showered with drizzle.

I had my head rested against the headrest of my seat, my phone held against my ear.

"Hey." Katie answered the call immediately. Noticing the absence of my voice, she spoke again, concern evident in her voice. "Tamara?"

"I need a break." I choked out as I watched a crowd walk into the building.

"What?"

I leaned forward, resting my head against the steering wheel. "I can't stop it, Katie. I can't seem to stop everything from getting to me. My mind has been an overdrive. It always has been and the current pressure is only making it worse. I want to stop it. I want to stop thinking, I want to stop giving a care about everything that's happening around me, even if it's just for one day,"