Every time I'm around you I feel blue. The walls, the ceiling, the very air that I'm breathing turns to the color of you. Your presence is needle prodded against my skin, a reminder of the deep waters that I've sunken in. Your shadow looms over to whisper that you are part of my soul. But no part of me desires my sunlight to grow dull.
Your spirit, your thoughts, you speak of merits, no loss. I talk of no feeling, my heart makes no sound. But I want to scream whenever you're around. I stare at the mirror and you speak your mind, are you aware of how it affects mine? I see my flaws, you see them too. You speak in dark ink as if I never knew.
My lover is fear, my hopes in a well. The stories and secrets, only time will tell. There was a time where you shared your dreams and your fears. Now you never cry, not even when I'm not near. Oh but you're blue, the finest secret you keep. No tears fall from your dark disks, no nights do you weep. You yell and you laugh, you follow every thought. Though it may not be clear, at peace you are not.
Every time I'm around you, I feel blue. Deny I have tried, but I know it's true. You commiserate for none, not even yourself. You neglect your emotions and your minimal health. I am your target, your arrows I hold. You've hit my center, your bow has been sold. I try desperately to escape your embrace every time you look at me with that look on your face.
I'm fighting a battle against the chemicals in my brain. The ones that ravish and tear, the ones that drive you insane. I'm reshaping the sections, I'm reducing the pain. I could not be more certain that I won't go in vain. I am learning something new, something I knew when I was young. Foreign it feels after it slips off my tongue.
Love, they call it. I've felt it for others. I've felt it for sisters and I've felt it for brothers. I'm learning it differently, in a whole other way. I knew that I liked me just yesterday. I'm learning to love my blood and my tears, I'm learning something that I've lost over the years. You're a best friend, you should be here with me. Not keeping score for the opposite team.
Every time I'm around you I feel blue. The walls, the ceiling, the very air that I'm breathing turns to the color of you. I pray that one day I'll be free from your thorns. I pray that one day you'll learn to mourn. Are you there for me or not? I need you to choose. Though you hurt me so I still love you. Let me into your walls, you can learn to grow. Without trying you'll never really know. Every time I'm around you I feel blue. Honey, I know you're afraid you won't heal, but they always do.
CZYTASZ
Quiver
Poezjaa place where I've written my feelings when I felt them. it has become a story of depression and recovery, love and loss, hope and fear, and everything in-between. mostly poetry, sometimes stories. :)
