Quiver

Rant On Respect

Ranting on the internet is the best idea. 

In April of 2018, I was at my highest and my lowest. One day I'd be on top of the world, and the next I'd be tied to a door trying to convince myself to stay alive. I used to be very, very, skinny. Naturally. I didn't care about my weight, I was a kid! I ate what I wanted. But in April of 2018, it started to change. For once I was actually gaining weight.

I hated myself for it. And at that time I probably weighed thirty pounds less than I do now. But at that time I was just focusing on my emotional health and working through early childhood traumas... you know, all that fun stuff. Because of the stress from this, I would go into stress periods. Some of them lasted one to three days. In this time I would either eat very little or nothing at all. I wasn't purposely starving myself.  Whenever I'm stressed I lose all appetite.

But I started really paying attention to food after that. In mid-July, I started to change my eating habits. My current ones are somewhat based off of those, but not nearly as extreme. I ate no junk food. I only ate whatever was healthiest. I counted the calories of everything, a bad habit I still have, and I was exercising daily.  

I claimed I was doing this for my health but it wasn't healthy at all. I had taken to weighing myself daily, I loved to watch the numbers on the scale go down and I would freak out if they ever went up. My goal was to get to 89 pounds. I did. This went on for over a month. But four friends were noticing what was happening. And they kept on calling me out. Eventually, I realized they were right and worked on undoing my bad habits.

I'm absolutely not claiming to have had an eating disorder because I absolutely didn't. But my habits were far from healthy. I fret too much about calories and health. Though a lot of it now is wanting to put better things into my body so I feel better. I haven't weighed myself in eight months. I love myself and I don't struggle with food the same as I did then (pizza is goood bro.)

But today a girl commented on my lunch. She had no bad intentions. She just said it was unhealthy and I should eat other things. It seems like a harmless comment but it wasn't to me. (which she should know, she was one of the four people?) But it made me feel sick and like throwing up. I didn't want to eat anymore. I thought the lunch I eat every day was at least relatively healthy, it has good vitamins and less than three hundred calories. Suddenly, April of 2019 felt like 2018 July. 

Rant on Respect: You never know what could be triggering to other people. Don't comment on other people's food or weight. Don't joke about rape or mental illness or disease. Don't comment on things that aren't your place to, things that shouldn't be joked about, or things you know are sensitive topics for other people. Just have some respect and be a good person.