Quiver

The Glass Box

     Four, tall, glass, sides around me and one above me. I do not know how long the glass box has been here, just that it has been here for at least a few years and that it still is here. All around me. I can see outside the box. I see what moves around. I see the people talking and creating, I see ideas forming and shaping. I see it all from inside here, I suppose I'm lucky the glass is so clear.

     The glass must be tinted, because no one seems to see me. Only if I get very close do they see my face. But I'll admit, at first I liked the space. I travel and the box travels with me. I could be home or in classes, the glass is here no matter what time passes. The people I love are on the other side but through my glass they can't see. They only know my glass and not at all me.

     There are few who mean the most. They're the only ones to see me up close. When others try to look in I scramble to the middle. "Don't look at me!" I scream, "Don't come near!" I find myself overcome with fear. They don't understand my box, they can't comprehend. They don't know I can't leave and the time that I spend in there. 

    Some see the glass but they ignore out of anger. They throw knives and daggers in attempts to destroy it and destroy me. But the glass is too strong. They can attempt to hurt me but they won't last long. But to see their hatred for whom they don't even know hurts me. Even though they could never really hurt me.

     But the people I love, for them I'm not afraid. I run up to the sides and smile so they can barely see my face. It's in times like that I hate this place. I press my hand to the glass and they press there's too. I can't feel them. We're so close to each other but the glass is so cold. They can't feel me. Not when I'm trapped on the inside.

     The hatred still hurts with the glass. And sometimes I let it get to me, even with the box protecting me. I'll be crying, and people know, even if the tinted glass won't let it show. I'll slump to the floor with my back to the wall. It's when I'm hurt I no longer feel tall. The ones that I love will fall too. Our backs should be touching but they're so far away. I wish the glass would just dissipate.

     I see everything inside the box. I see their anger and hatred, I see their attempts of attack. I see them simply passing by and living their life. I see the love and support and kindness and warmth. I see it all as a whole, the pain and the beauty but viewing is not feeling. So even in the best and worst days I hold myself because I'm still one thing no matter the day or surroundings-

     Alone.

     Everyday I'm alone in my glass box. My box protects me but it treats me like a toy. I can't feel pain but I can't feel joy. Correction: I can feel pain, I know because I do everyday. I feel lonely for I'm only with myself. Even so I do my best to care for my health. But I wish others could share happiness with me. I want to understand what it's like to feel not see.

     One day the glass will shatter and I will bleed. The shards will cease to not cut me. I will hurt and I will heal, but most importantly, I'll be free. I'll hug my friends tight and they'll understand. Because for the first time in forever we'll stand hand in hand. They'll see me as I am and not who I pretend to be. There will be no glass to prevent them from seeing clearly.

     I pray for the day that I'll feel again. For only then will the Earth truly see Vivien.