Quiver

Warrior 2

     There is a girl who is a warrior. She's daring, gallant, and bold. She wears silver armor and holds up a thick, shiny, silver sword. With an agility unlike others had ever seen, she dodges golden tipped arrows and sharp bronze daggers. But the warrior is different from how she used to be, though no one knows why. There used to be a girl who on the street looked like a warrior. One who wore a triumphant smile with her thick armor and lethal weapons deflecting attacks from vicious mobs. 

     People aspired to be like that girl. She went to the extremes of supporting other people, she was their safety net- if they fell she would always catch them. She found people emotionally splitting and somehow she helped them feel okay again. The way she deflected enemy attacks' inspired others. Everyone thought of her as this proud, kind, strong, and fearless girl. Then it changed. Because one day, she was different.

     The truth behind the old warrior girl was that she was no warrior. She held up shiny metal sculpted into weaponry, but that did not make her powerful. Her triumphant smile did not make her fearless. Her helping others did not make her strong. No one witnessing her losing a battle did not make her proud. The true battles that the warrior girl faced were not the result of anger in other people, rather the result of emotional abuse in herself.

     The warrior girl had fought so valiantly to keep others alive, so who would have thought she woke up every morning she wasn't? That through her toothy smile of pride her only wish was for it to end, for it to be over. That her thick armor was only to protect herself from others, but even more so than that, to protect others from herself. On the inside, it was only isolation, desperately lonely, but at least if she was alone she couldn't hurt anyone with her depression. 

     But the viewers, the outsiders, they were oblivious to what lay behind the walls of the warrior girl. They were naive to begin to imagine that one person alone could withhold such perfection, and perhaps they knew this, but perhaps it made them feel better to believe. A skydiver always feels safer if there is a backup parachute, so what if there was never even one all along? The warrior girl would always be a safety net, but her true self was beyond their comprehension. 

     For once, the warrior girl realized there was only one person she truly had to save. The only way to do it was to take off her armor. She did. She let three people in, slowly at first, but eventually, she did. She fought her own battles inside of her head, her power would leave the PTSD dead. The wars of her own left her with thick red scars and battle wounds, but she knew that she would heal. Never did a fight of hers ever feel more real.

     The people gossip "She has changed. What happened to her?" The warrior girl only smiles and nods, because for once she is a warrior girl. She's fought harder than many have fought before. She stills wears her armor, but it's different this time. Thinner perhaps, or maybe just different. On the inside, she still is lonely, but less so. She's still learning authenticity, and one day she'll be a natural. 

     They say she is weaker this time. Some give her looks of pity or concern. They say that something happened to her that took away her strength. The people like her less now, they don't like the truth. They say the truth hurts, but it only healed her. Some worry about the warrior girl, more than she'd like to admit. But a warrior she still is, a strong, bold, one, too. But the battles that she faces are not the same ones that you do.

     They say she's changed, oh how she really has. She smiles at sunrises because it's another day to be alive. She found her peace in little things, like raspberry tea and mini paintings. More importantly- she found it in herself. She surrounds herself with different people, with ones who bring her joy. She still has to fight often, but she always wins quickly. For once in the little girl's life, one year later, she's actually happy.

     And I'm proud to say,

                                  That girl is me.