Bevore we lost Ourselfs (OLD, TRASH, VERY BAD SPELLING AND GRAMMAR!)

chapter 39

After the whole time with them was over.
I hate it.
I just hate it.
At witch point did I go wrong?
Mabe moving to London.... Prehaps befriending him ... Prehaps leaving that comunistik hellhole.... Prehaps not ending it all already...
Geting my mind off those thots, its been long since I saw my dear friends. Not speaking english, or polish, or even german, I got a slight norwegan accent. Don't get me wrong, I love norway, but that comunistik asshole ruined my point of view for that country. I'm tierd of this hell. I'm tierd of everything. I'm tierd of hav-

"Soldat Diamond, konsentrere eller du vil gjøre mer arbeid enn vanlig! (Soldier Diamond, concentrate or you will do more work than usual!)" Pau yelled. Normaly he was a nice, gofy, funny and kind person, but since we started training for the biger wars, between the Red and White army, he changed. Mabe becose he wants us to be more stern, mabe becose that Red asshole is watching us.
I hate him. I hate him so much.

But its not him who kills. Its not him who makes you friends suffer. Its not him, is it?

Sadly it isn't... Sadly my depression is geting the better of me....
"Ja herregud!(yes sir!)" I ansered him.
I just want it to be over....

-time skip-
We were finaly let go to our rooms.
I opend the door and was greeded by the lil Cookie monster. I quikly peted him and got to bed.

Don't you think about how they feel? How you make them feel, by leting them worrie about a worthless piece of rubish? 

Stupid thoughts... 
....I just want to sleep for once....! 

After a long, almost speepless night, it was time for another day of traning! Yay.....
Not able to rest at day, or night. I hate it. I just want to forged it.... Ugh....

"En ukes soldater! Neste uke er den store hvite krigen! (One week soldiers! Next week is the big white war!)" Everyone on the Red Army's grounds heard from the speakers. The voice of the conunistik asshole was heard. Everytime I hear his voice... Its torte. It makes me think about what I have lost, or what I made others lose.
There it comes again.
The guilt.

After another tyring day of training, it was night time.
The thots.

{I'm worthless.... Think about all those people you made suffer...}

Suprisingly, I got some sleep yesterday! Unusal lately.

-time skip, the day bevore the big white war-
Today...  We had to practice the stand of the army for the war tomorrow.
{I just hope nobody will get as hurt... Well from the R.A....}