Thinking of Your Skin: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Two

Chapter 26: Electric City

May 11th, 2017

Camila

3:00 A.M.

Welcome to another exciting chapter of Camila's late night, emotionally charged thought sessions. It was three in the morning and I was laying in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I wasn't watching Netflix, I wasn't on Twitter or Tumblr, or doing any other mindless time-wasting activity. I was simply laying there, thinking: the most mindful, toxic activity a person like myself could take part in.

I had been wallowing in that sort of torture for the past two hours, thinking about everything from how nervous I was to release my first single, to wondering how my dad and sister were doing back in Miami and how much I missed them, and, finally, to the green eyed girl who would continue to haunt my thoughts for Lord knows how long.

Obviously, Lauren was the main focus of the night. I just couldn't stand the lack of communication. Not talking to someone only works if you don't have to see pictures of them and hear rumors about them every single day. The rumors were the absolute worst.

This whole 'Tyren' thing was practically in full swing. The two would either be spotted out together (supposedly), or people would just be talking about them constantly on every social media site. Everything seemed to be mostly speculation, but I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was all true.

I thought about every 'ship' that Lauren had been a part of. Whether or not her heart was fully in it or if it was a real, conventional relationship, there was always some truth to it. But, I knew Lauren, and I knew that there was always some sort of motive behind each one. Well, at least each guy she had dated.

Luis and Brad had both happened when Lauren and I were trying to deny our feelings for each other. Lucy was the only one (since I had known Lauren) that was a real, genuine connection. Maybe it was really presumptuous and a bit ignorant for me to think that Lauren was only doing this thing with Ty...because he was a boy.

After the world found out she had dated Lucy and after she came out as bisexual, Lauren suddenly decided to spark dating rumors with a 30 year old guy who we had all known for over a year? The timing was just a bit suspicious to me. Plus, since when did they even have any sort of connection? It had always been Dinah who was all over Ty.

Maybe I was just being petty and jealous. I was grasping for any sort of hope that this could be fake or some sort of rebound. Whatever it was, I didn't like it. It didn't feel like Lauren to me. Practically everything she had been doing lately had me concerned for her.

I was especially concerned that she was once again going to lose herself in someone else. Once again, the green eyed girl refused to take a break and just be with herself. It absolutely drove me crazy that she couldn't just sit still and be single for once. I had fucking mastered it, and she probably couldn't even remember what it felt like.

She couldn't understand what it felt like to be so lonely that your bones began to ache; what it felt like to wonder if you would ever find someone to be completely and totally candid with; what it felt like to question what was wrong with you and why you couldn't just be in love like everyone else out there.

No, Lauren spent too much time with other people to understand what loneliness was. She wouldn't stop to question the hand she was holding because she was too busy holding onto it for dear life. She was terrified of letting go because that would just leave her with her crippling thoughts. That would just leave her like me.

I rolled over onto my side, wondering which one of us was really better off. At least she appeared to be happy. At least she had distractions. At least she had constant experience. I started getting scared that I was slowly going to forget how to kiss.