Chapter 46: The Messenger

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May 3rd, 2018

11:15 P.M.

Camila

It was another one of those nights; the nights where I couldn't stop my restless mind from racing. However, there was something different about it this time. Actually, I knew exactly what was making this experience so different from all of the other times.

I was drunk. Yes, I, Camila Cabello, the girl who hadn't even had a drop of alcohol on her 21st birthday, was wine drunk, alone, in a hotel room in New York City. I had a day off from my tour, my mother was out to dinner with a friend, and I had been way too deep in my feels all day.

Shawn didn't help the situation when he jokingly sent me a "Happy 2 months birthday" text. All that did was make me think about how I'd spent my 21st and how a part of me wanted to let loose, just for once.

So, I did. I ordered some wine from room service and started to drown myself in the dark liquid while listening to music. At first, it actually felt really nice; but, as usual, social media started to call my attention.

 At first, it actually felt really nice; but, as usual, social media started to call my attention

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For the most part, the tweets I stumbled upon were super nice and supportive. God, I loved my fans so much. I swear that they were the main reason I was surviving any of this. The thing was, even they didn't know the whole truth.

They sat there saying that I looked happier than ever, that I was in such a good place, which, for the most part, was entirely true

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They sat there saying that I looked happier than ever, that I was in such a good place, which, for the most part, was entirely true. This tour had been a dream come true, plus the fact that I was about to go on tour with Taylor was incredible, too. I was really happy.

Yet, they didn't know everything else that went on behind the scenes. Even those who did suspect that Matthew was PR had no idea how miserable I really was in the love department. It wasn't the fake relationship that bummed me out, it was the lack of a real one; a real one that I had had before and let slip through my fingers time and time again.

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