Yin & Yang: A Yandere Love Story

Chapter 23 (Yang)

When school began, I changed gradually. I couldn't cut Yin off completely since it'll be strange so I started to stay away from her slowly. From walking her to school only on certain days, having less conversation with her and if we did need to converse, I kept it short.

"I'm sorry Yin but since I'll be busy with college. Can you not visit my room unless it's important?" I lied as she looked up from fiddling with a Rubik's cube she found in one of my desk drawers. We had most of our conversations in my room as I studied and she found things to entertain herself with. Cutting this off meant that 80% of our contact with each other will cease. My heart hurt at the thought but I didn't take my words back.

"Oh. I understand. I'll leave now" sadness flashed through her eyes as she put the cube down and headed for the door.

It hurt me more to know I caused her to make such an expression.

I smiled at her, "Thanks for understanding, Yin"

She looked back, nodded and soon she was gone.

I ran my hand through my hair, feeling helpless and frustrated. My mind knew this was for the best but my heart was angered at her absence. I wished she had argued but then what would that achieve? The ending will still be the same.

I knocked over a pencil mug in a fit, seeing it clatter to the floor. It made less noise than I wanted since the floor was carpeted.

I looked at the Rubik's cube on the desk then began to pick up the items that had fallen.

When I was done, I placed the mug back, placed the cube beside it and I went to sleep.

With my change, Yin also slowly distanced herself. Until she stopped telling me how her day was and her everyday thoughts, from the mundane to the unconventional.

We were like strangers who treated each other civilly but otherwise weren't close.

I felt like she was slipping away from my grasp which took a toll on my mind and heart.

Who wants to see the love of their life acting so distant with you when you used to be so close, knowing that you can do nothing but let it happen since your love might endanger them?

The adverse effect had also increased exponentially, I could see myself invading her room and loving her until she was mine completely and she agreed to stay by my side always. How I'll fight my parents tooth and nail, even if they had to kick us both out and disown me as long as she was beside me.

I can't go on like this. I had hoped my needs would start to mellow down now that I saw her less but I was wrong. Her absence made me want to see her more, made me want her more.

It was only half the school year during my 1st year in college. How will I survive the next 3 and a half?

I have to curb this need somehow before I lose control.

This' how I found myself standing in front of her door.

I hadn't seen much of Yin in a week and I thought seeing her might help. My parents will find out I'm looking for her so I waited until they were asleep but in consequence, Yin was asleep as well.

I reached for the knob and stopped.

This' wrong. I feel like a peeping tom. What if Yin was awake and she caught me?

But my desire to see her overrode the fear as I turned the knob which wasn't locked as Yin never locks her door and I quietly pushed it open.

Her room was simple and a little barren from what I could see with the minimal light from the window. I immediately saw the lump on the bed and stopped.

I've seen her. This' enough. I should turn back.

But my feet moved forward, closing the door softly, approaching the lump on the bed.

I couldn't see her face clearly but I knew Yin was sleeping soundly, not even stirring at my approach.

I stared at her quietly without moving.

Soon the sky outside was lightening and I hurriedly slipped away, closing the door with a soft click.

...

This' wrong. This' wrong. This' wrong. I told this to myself over and over, telling myself that tonight would be the last night and I'll never go back again.

But each night I went and each night I looked at her without moving. Afraid she'll wake and hate me if I so much as breathe too heavily.

I know this was wrong. I know I should stop. I understood the severity of the consequences but my mind wouldn't listen. Instead I excitedly waited for each day to end so I can go to her.

My need for her had been suppressed but gave rise to a new addiction. I knew there was no way I could convince myself to quit.

What have I become?