The Other Side | Jikook

Chapter 37

Jungkook POV

My heart shatters even more as I curl further into the smaller boy when the words shakily leave my lips, desperately needing to be held. I've been trying so hard to be strong for Jiminie these last couple days, but I'm just not remotely as strong as him. Although, I guess that's something that's always been obvious. After everything Jimin's been through, he's never once tried to find someone that could be there for him. He's always been fine on his own, knowing how to handle all of the shit being thrown his way. Yet, here I am, the complete opposite. Only two years younger and having grown up in a much better environment, but so much weaker. I couldn't even handle the simple pain of being alone any longer after eighteen years, and now to add onto all of that, I had to struggle through the fear of possibly losing the one person I actually love and I've lost my mother.

"Shhhh. Jungkookie, shhhh. You're okay, baby. It's gonna be okay. I know it hurts, darling. I know it does, but you're gonna be okay. I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere. It's gonna be okay. I know it hurts, baby, but I'm right here." Jimin murmurs softly. However, it only bursts a bubble of anger and frustration with me, hearing him say that he 'knows it hurts'. Not being able to control my emotions, I shove him away from me.

"Bullshit! Shut the hell up! You don't know what it feels like! You have no idea how much it fucking hurts! You probably don't even fucking remember how painful it was losing your parents! And at least you had the chance to see them one last time! At least they fucking cared about you! You have no! Fucking! Clue! Just how much it fucking hurts right now! So don't even begin to think the shit you went through years ago even begins to compare to the pain I'm feeling right now!" I shout angrily, hot tears streaming down my face.

The look on Jimin's face only breaks my heart more, but I can barely tell the difference at the moment from how much pain I'm still in. Horrified and angry, heartbroken and saddened, the smaller boy is just a mixture of painful emotions in his eyes as he looks at me with a blank face.

My breathing is heavy now, still struggling not to just crumble in on myself and sob my heart out. Jimin remains silent and at a distance though, almost staring right through me as he remains unmoving for a moment. Though, the longer I sit here and try not to crumble, the more I begin to long for his touch and his voice again. Parting my lips, I try to speak again but can't seem to find the words to say, nor be able to get them to come out. So I'm sat here silently as the tears continue to fall, left watching like a small child as Jimin gets up without a word. I whimper as the distance between us increases even more, wanting desperately to be able to reach out to him and pull him back into me. Though, it's almost as if he doesn't even hear me, or maybe he just chooses to ignore me, as he walks around the bed and past me to the door. Not a single word more is exchanged between the two of us as he doesn't even bother looking back, walking straight out of the door to my bedroom and closing it quietly behind him.

As the door falls shut, I completely break. Crumbling in on myself as I fall back down into a laying position on my bed and curling into a ball as the sobs begin to rack through my entire body.

It hurts.

I was in enough pain as it was beforehand, yet somehow I'm in even more now. I know I shouldn't have yelled at him when he was just trying to comfort me, but I truly couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself. And now I'm left alone, left to suffer with what I've just done and what I've created.

Though, I still hardly process just what exactly I've possibly done to Jimin. Much too wrapped up in my own pain and sorrow of having lost my mother and having tried to be okay with it for the last few days now, I've not even begun to think of the toll my words will have on Jimin. None of anything to do with Jimin and my words really register with me, the only exception being that I now have no one here to comfort me and hold me and be here for me as I try to process the pain I'm feeling. Feeling like I'm back at the beginning, all alone as if Jimin had never come around to begin with.