Love Behind Bars

20

"You gotta thing for Lew don't you?"

"Ayo what I tell you about that gay shit?"

"Come on." He groans. He kisses his teeth and squints at me. "So why haven't you guys talked in weeks but yet look at each other from across the room?"

"Stop playing with me." I don't like him talking this gay shit. I've just been horny and now I understand why the guys here holla at him except I'm the only one that has kissed him.

Wait. I am the only one right? I mean I'm an inmate and if he did it to me and he probably did it to someone else. But who though, he rejects everyone. Wait no. He has a boyfriend, Brian or Ryan. Something like that. Is he still seeing him?

"Nigga come back to the cafeteria." Zion snaps in my face. I look at him "where did you go?" He laughs.

"Shut up." I swallow this mash potato looking thing. "You know today marks 7 months I been here."

"For real. Then that means I've been here a year and 2 months."

"Damn bro. Wait what are you in here for anyway?"

"Manslaughter." He looked down and folded his arms. "I uh was fucked up off some Hennessy and I was driving. I hit a car of the side of the road and the baby in the backseat didn't make it."

"Damn bro." That made me thing about the question Lewis asked me" Do you wish you could go back and change it? Tell the truth."

"Fuck yes. But I'm becoming a better person. No more doing dumb shit." He shook his head. "I felt bad but I didn't really take it seriously but God. He's real bro. I gotta call from my baby moms while I was in here and she said she gave birth to our still born son. That shit hurt. I knew it was because I was stressing her out. I know I'll never know how what that family felt but It had to be what I felt x1000. I pray everyday that that family forgives me."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"I don't want to say I deserved it but I kinda did."

"Nah fuck that. Nobody deserves to lose their child like that." I disagree with him. I understand if you're an unfit parent and you get them taken away but I wouldn't wish death upon someone's child.

"True shit bro."

"LIGHTS OUT!" I dap Zion up and walk over to the jail doors with Raymond.

"Hey Jamar. You think we might see some crazy shit today?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "Hopefully not." We we're escorted down to the infirmary. I don't know when I started talking Raymond. I just decided to stop being such an ass to the wrong people.

When we got there. I walked in and the guy who was throwing up was gone.

"What happened to that guy?" I asked Connor.

"He went back to his block."

"Well what was wrong with him."

"He was my patient but Lewis knows what was wrong. Ask him." Connor says with a smug look. Asshole. You mad you can do your fucking job.

"Hey Lewis."

"Jamar." He nods.

"I uh what happened to that patient?"

"Oh he's was making drugs in his cell that turned out to be poisonous but I made something that got rid of it. I just wanted him to stay in here observation."

"Oh okay." We both nod. I couldn't help but look down at his lips. My lips were there before but it didn't sit right with me if anyone else's did too.

"So about the"I started.

"You know what? It's okay If you forgot about it, I did too. I shouldn't have did that in the work place. I apologize."

"I remember it." I look down at him. Has he forgotten? He looks in a different direction covering his giggling.

"Mkay."

"I was just gonna ask you how's you and that dude?"

"Oh Ryan?" I felt my body lean in. I didn't know I was doing it until his face was closer to mine. "We're not seeing each other anymore."

"Why?"

"Because its not your business."

"You are my business." I shot back without thinking. "Because I work with you and I don't want you to leave me with that nigga." I nodded to Connor.

"Well if you must know." He pauses. "He wasn't giving me the attention I needed." He looks up at me. "The attention I deserved."

"You looking at me like I can give you that."

"I didn't say you could."

"So what? You saying I can't give you the attention you deserve. You damn right." He looks away from me. "Cause I could give you more. You deserve more."

"I do."

"You really do." I said slowly looking at his features. He was a very attractive person so why not? We stood chest to chest. We broke apart when we heard someone clear their throat. We look and Connor had his back turned but he was just clearing his throat. "You think I'm stupid huh?"

"Why?"

"I can't be the first guy in here that you tripping over."

"I'm not tripping over anyone." I can feel the anger starting to rise through him. I didn't mean to make him upset.

"I mean like to kiss."

"Why can't you be the first person?"

"I don't know. There are plenty of niggas here."

"And you think I want them?"

"Do you?"

"Jamar." He sighs. " with all due respect, I want to end this conversation." He walks into the closet and I follow close behind. I really didn't want to end this on a bad note.

"Wait. Wait. I'm sorry. I don't think you're that type of person. I just been thinking about it and it made me feel some type of way. But I don't care about the rest of them. I'm feeling you and I know you feeling me too."

"We can't."

"We can. Atleast give it a try." He looks up at me a nods hesitantly. We both smile and I grab his waist.