Love Behind Bars

22

*Jamil's pov*

"You gotta visitor."

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Who?" He didn't answer. Instead he just cuffed me and took me to the visitor area. I know it's not my family cause she doesn't visit on weekends.

Who could it be? Do I owe someone money on the outside? Is someone tryna kill me? It might be my lawyer. I gotta bone to pick with his ass. Why? Because I'm still here.

This walk has never taken this long. The anticipation is killing me. Who is here to see me? The door swings open and I look around while the officer takes off the cuffs.

I stop at the boy who looks like me. It's Joaquin. ITS JOAQUIN!
"JOAQUIN IS THAT YOU?!?" I couldn't believe my eyes. It's Joaquin. 6 year old baby Joaquin. "You're so tall.." he was laughing and shit while I was being dead serious. What is he doing here? "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were here sooo..." his voice was so different.

"Damnnnn listen to you. Grown man shit." I am really in shock. "Who told you I was in here? Jamar punk ass?" I saw his facial expression change from smiling to upset.

"Why you say that?"

"Cause he in here acting like we ain't family."

"How?"

"It's a long story. But what's going on with you? How have you been doing? How's mom?"

"I'm good. I'm in 8th grade starting high school next year." Then he shrugs. "Mom is still doped up."

"I know it's not easy staying with her." He looks up at me. "You still living with her?"

"It's not, so I moved in with Lewis." He squints. "She told us you were in the military." Military!

"Hah! I wish. Nah she kicked me out."

"So why didn't you call us from in here?"

"I had bigger issues to deal with in the beginning then I kinda just forgot to then when I remembered I felt like I would be a burden. Like extra weight."

"Nah you family. We had to forget about you we thought you forgot about us. No phone calls. No letters. It wasn't the same." I didn't know it was like that. I was dealing with money and trying to pay people back. Then I had my family to deal with.

"From the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I didn't mean to make y'all feel like that." Now I understand why Jamar act the way he does with me. He feels like I left them behind. Which is exactly what I did.

"I can't say I forgive you but I can say I'm trying to understand." He's so mature. Jamar did a great job raising him. "Tell me about you wife and kid."

"How do you about them?"

"Mom told me after I told her I found out you got locked up."

"My wife's name is Eva and my daughters name is Brandy."

"They know about us?" I nod. "Why hasn't she tried to reach out?"

"She wanted me too but I didn't want her too." He nods.

"Why are you locked up?"

"Is this interview or what?"

"Look. I love you cause your family but I don't know you. This interview is nothing. You disappear without a trace for 7 years, and you tripping off a couple of question. You're my brother but you're not my bro." This is making me feel like shit but I needed this wake up call.

"I'm locked up for second degree murder." I sigh. "I went to give someone some money and they wanted me dead so while they were shooting at me, I shot back and killed them."

"So it was self defense."

"Yeah but they don't give a shit."

"Start wrapping it up."

"Well it was nice seeing you. I hope you keep coming by."

"Yeah I'm not gonna ghost you." He smiled. I'm a real ass nigga but that hurt my feelings. I really fucked up in ways I can't undo. They put the cuffs on me.

"I love you. Stay safe."

"I love you too. I will. You too." I made my way back to the cell blinking away tears that were forming.

7 years I haven't seen my baby brother and what does he tell me? I feel like a disappointment. I am a disappointment.
I gotta make it better with Jamar. I gotta get my brothers back.