A Heart Doesn't Forget (Fanfiction)

Chapter 14: Why not?

"Ashton," I said cautiously, "are you alright?" I asked.

"God I- I- I can't, Luke. I'm sorry, I just-"

"Calm down, it's okay. What is it?" I asked, feeling a mix of concern, worry, and a bit of anger. Probably because I didn't get to kiss him.

Why does he have to look so damn irresistible?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this. I can't do this, L- I'm sorry for dragging you along."

"What? Sorry for what? I don't understand." I told him, wanting to comfort him, but he kept backing away.

"You. I just- I'm sorry, I can't do this. You- I just can't."

"Why not? I thought it was going great? What happened?" I asked, feeling more upset and angrier with every step Ashton took away from me.

I thought it went fine, great, actually. I loved it. It was the best thing I've done since I've woken up. I can't remember a time I've ever been happier, and I'm sure that has nothing to do with my amnesia.

He sighed. "It was...great. It's not about what happened, it's about what's going to happen. You're going to remember, Luke. And you're going to want nothing to do with me. I'm sorry, I- I shouldn't have done this. I don't know what I was thinking." He shook his head, looking down at the ground as he started to walk away.

"Hey!" I yelled, using my long legs to catch up to him.

"No, Luke, I'm sorry. I'm can't, I-" He kept repeating, but I cut him off.

"Well I won't. It's different now, Ashton, I'm different now. I've changed. I know, Calum's told me I was an asshole before. Michael's told me. I believe it, I was a selfish, homophobic, jerk. But I'm different now. We can start over, if you'd just give us a chance."

"You don't understand, I can't do that." He emphasized the 'can't', frustration mixing in with his sadness.

"Why not? Because you're scared? Because you're afraid I'm going to hate you again?"

"That's not just it-"

"Then what is it then? Why do you have to push me away? Why can't I just be with you?"

He just shook his head, looking down at the ground as he kept walking.

"We can make this work, Ashton. So what if I remember? It's past now, we can just both forget about it, and when I remember, it won't be a big deal. No matter what happened, it doesn't matter now-"

"Luke." His tone was stern. What used to be sadness, changed to frustration, and my anger mirrored off of his. "you may think you're different, now. You might think that everything is 'different' now, because you see things a little differently. And maybe you are different, but you wouldn't know that. You don't really know who you were before. You don't know what happened. You don't know what you felt, what you said about it then.

And yes, it might be no big deal to you now, but that's because you don't know. I ruined your life, Luke. And it might not be a big deal now, because you don't remember what your life was like, before and after it happened. When I say, 'I ruined your life', I mean it, Luke. I ruined your life, literally. I took everything you had, and destroyed it. I completely, demolished everything you've ever had, and you have every. single. reason. to hate me for it.

I deserve for you to never speak to me again, I deserve for you to hate me, scream at me, yell at me, anything. Hell, I deserve the scar you made on my head. I deserve all that, but what I don't deserve, is for to be kind to me. To like me. To let me take you out on dates, or vise versa. I don't deserve this, and neither do you. That's why I can't do this, Luke. I can't do this to you."