A Heart Doesn't Forget (Fanfiction)

Chapter 18: Why did you do it?

another trigger warning... :/

________continuation from last chapter...still in the dream______

"Luke, I-" he cut himself off, just noticing the red on my hands. "What did you do?" He asked, keeping his eye on my right hand.

I hid that hand behind my back. "I told you to get out. I will call the police. Get-"

"Luke. What happened? Why are you bleeding?" He asked, his tone dead serious now.

He took a step closer, and I reached for something else to throw at him.

My hand picked up a cup coaster. That'll do.

"Don't come near me." I said, taking a step back even though there already more than eight feet in between us.

"I'm not leaving until you-"

"I don't have to explain anything to you. This is my apartment. First of all, I don't even know how the fuck you got in here, but if I tell you to leave, you leave. That's it. This isn't some negotiation. This is my apartment. Which means I say when you get to leave, not you. So for the last time, get out!" I threw the coaster, and he ducked just in time. Letting it hit the door behind him.

"You aren't stable. I'll leave, but I'm sending Calum to come check on you." He started reaching for the door handle.

I screamed. I leaned my back against the wall, and slid down it with my head in my hands.

"I'm fine. I don't need fucking help, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just want to be left alone to drown in my own self-hatred. I'm fine. I'm fine." I repeated, and heard the door shut.

I started crying. Big, wet, messy tears streaming down my face as I pulled at my hair.

I hadn't even noticed he was still here when I heard his voice by my ear.

"You aren't fine, Luke."

He was close. Way too close. His breath was on my ear, and it made me shiver. I told myself it was a shiver of disgust, and I was too angry at everything to realize my own lie.

"Why would you care." I said as a statement, instead of a question.

"You're the reason I'm like this. You're the reason everyone left me. This is all because of you! You stupid fucking faggot!" I stood up, pushing his chest with each word of my last sentence. Rebecca's words rang through my ears, and I hated myself even more after I said that.

His emotions were too hard to read, not that I was trying very hard. Right now, I was only focusing on my emotions. And now, I felt nothing but hatred, and exasperation.

"I'm sorry, okay?!" He yelled back, his emotions reflecting off my own. "Why do you think I came over here? I've been apologizing for the past week, Luke! I'm sorry! I'm fucking sorry! Do I regret what I did? Yes. Do I wish I could go back and make sure it never happened? Fuck, yes. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have even fucking gone to that party. Do you think I planned for that to happen?-"

I stopped him from going on, answering his question: "Yes."

"What? Yes what-"

"Yes, I do think you planned for that to happen. Everyone was supposed to go home. You were supposed to leave after it ended, but you stayed. It was just us two, alone. Now tell me that was a coincidence."

"Dammit, Luke. I was going to drive you home! Or were you too wasted to remember? You were too drunk to drive, so I offered to drive you back. You had suggested that we should clean first before leaving. You were the one that said we should stay longer. And you were the one who forgot to tell your fiance not to pick you up. So don't try to pin this all on me."