A Heart Doesn't Forget (Fanfiction)

Chapter 19: Is Ashton here?

I rushed outside, then realized I had no way of getting to Ashton's without getting lost. I cursed at myself as I ran all the way back up to my apartment to grab my phone and call Calum.

"Luke? Are you alright-"

"No. I need to talk to Ashton. I need you to come over. Can you drive me to his place. I just- I need-"

"Luke, Luke. Slow down. Take deep breaths okay? You need to calm down."

"I can't, I can't Calum." I said, falling into one of the only chairs that wasn't covered in glass and other trash. A strangled, sobbing noise escaped my lips. "I- god, this is so horrible. This is bad, this- I'm horrible. God, Calum. Why do I have to be such a terrible person?" I asked him, tears were already streaming down my face.

"Luke, calm down. It's okay, I'll be there soon, okay? Stay on the phone with me, stay where you are. I'm coming to get you." He said, his tone a mixture of concern and nervousness. I heard a car door slam shut in the background.

"How could I be so horrible? Why was I so stupid? God, I'm such an idiot. I hate myself, god, this is terrible.

"No, Luke. You hate who you were. It's never too late to change yourself for the better. You're not like that anymore, are you? No, you're not. Which means you're nothing like you were before."

"That doesn't take back what I did. I can't- oh my god, it was awful, Calum. The things I said to him, the way I treated him. I even- oh god." I was crying so much, I started to hiccup, and felt like I was going to throw up. Just thinking of all the blood, and the stitches, and the-

I felt a certain feeling in the pit of my stomach, and not a good one. Before I knew it, I was rushing to the bathroom.

I threw up in the toliet, leaving my phone on the floor in the living room.

I puked once, then stupidly looked at the sink, and remember the blood, and the glass, and the pills.

I threw up again.

After it felt like I had puked all of my insides out, I heard the door beep open.

Walking into the hallway, I looked at the door, and saw Ashton enter hesitantly.

"Luke?" He called.

"Ash, I'm so sor-"

"Luke? What are you talking about? It's me." He waved a hand in front of my face, and then I realized it was Calum. The Ashton I saw was just a memory, a hallucination, a figment of my imagination.

"I'm going insane, aren't I?" I asked Calum, and he only shook his head, and pulled me into his arms.

"No, you're not, Luke. You're okay. You're just going through a rough patch. You'll get through it. I'll be here to help you." He told me, and I gave him a grateful smile.

Then, my smile fell again.

"I need to apologize to him, but I can't- I...I shouldn't keep bothering him anymore. He-he can't even look at me anymore. It's like, he's afraid of me or something. I wouldn't blame him, though. I'm a monster-"

"Was." Calum corrected me.

I shook my head. "I'm still the same person, though. I may act different and have a different opinion on things, but I'm still me. Everytime he looks at me, he's always going to see me as the person that slapped him and threw a vase at his head."

Calum gasped, "You...what?"

I nodded, sadly. "Yeah. I couldn't control myself. I slapped him, telling him to get out. Then as he was leaving I threw a vase at his head, that's why he needed the stitches."