Rookywriters Book Reviews

Review 7 @millicentbaby

Books: All of me X Unlike Charges
Author: millicentbaby

REVIEW

1. First chapter blues

* Summary / prologue - Nicely written summary.
Summary for 'unlike charges' is long baby. Like you literally wrote the whole story in the description box. No. Cut it into three part and write one part. Okay.

* Intro to main character -Intro to the main character Precious was widely written.

* Intro to story - Good.

* Intro to genre - Good. But the story about the character's personal lives (Precious and Bethel) was overshadowing the romance part in the first five chapters.

2. Story Settings

* Description - There was no much description of places. I understand because you are the story telling type. But just a little hint of where the characters are, can help give readers an idea of their environment.

Example, the weather outside, is it sunny, rainy, cloudy...
Precious room, is her room, neatly kept, or not.
Bethel's house, how is the interior decoration of his home, his room, his bed, the colour of the walls etcetera.

* Theme - Themes of single -mother hood, low class lifestyle and rich lifestyle was noted. Good.

* Intrigue / Suspense factor - As story progressed, there was some intriguing scenes from those girls.

* Relation to genre - Story is related to the genre, romance.

* Time setting - Apart from the crazy stuffs that happened go the main characters in the past, we need to know what's happening with them now, the timing is important.

* Character development - Characters was fully developed. Nice work there.

3. Story Tone

* Grammar - A lot to edit for the grammar part. This will be for both 'All of me' and 'Unlike Charges.'
First, names of characters and people should be written in capital letters. Beauty, Blessing, Bethel and the rest of the crew.

Second, use quotation marks " " to start and end all dialogues.
Example

"Hey Bethel, take a look at Beauty, she's got nerves... She's such a bully," Jerry spoke so spiteful of her.

Third, at the end of each sentence add a full stop. It seems like you hate punctuations or something. The only surviving one in your chapters is the comma. So add the others, they work together.

Fourth, paragraphing and spacing out. The chapter that was most congested was chapter four. The dialogues, conversations, story highlights, povs and everything was jam-packed like wow. Space out your work. It makes it more readable.

The part where you wrote, A for Amanda, P for Precious, was quite cute in a way but funny.
It was okay, but edit properly and fix your quotation marks, full stop and capitalization of sentences.

Fifth, not all stories need the 'POV' stuff. While editing read your chapters, know what writing style connects easily with your story. Your second book 'Unlike Charges' may not need to be broken in POVS style. It's a suggestion anyway.

* Dialogue - Well written and engaging.

* Choice of words - Nice choice of word. Very readable.

* Chapter flow - The story flowed pretty well from chapter to chapter.

* Writing voice - millicentbaby have a natural narrative, storytelling voice. You choose to tell the story. It's also necessary if you balance the story telling with showing us more actions and intriguing scenes.

4. Creativity

* Plot development - You have a good story plot going on. If you can take your time to edit your work with the corrections I suggested above, then there will be so much difference.

* Writing style - Your writing style is budding. With practice you will perfect it.

5. Personal thoughts - I like that you didn't give up writing even if your work is not perfect. Nobody has a perfect work either, we keep learning. Good job.

* Overall - And the book cover for 'All of me' is cool but the color of the font is not clear enough. You can make it white and increase the size to the middle so readers can see what is written.

For your persistent to keep going, kudos to that. Your stories are amazing. The same with 'Unlike Charges' your second book. Use the tips here and give your books an upgrade. (I'm going to check them if they're done properly.)

You get a 9 out of 10!

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